01 || "if i'm honest"
I let my hand sink into the snow, leaving a print that could only fit my own. the snow beneath my skin numbed my fingers every second it lingered there on the windowsill. the chilling wind blew through the thin layer of my dress causing a ripple effect of goose bumps to appear on my skin.
my hands ran through my hair as I drew out a puff of air, contemplating whether I should go or not. the car parked outside that waited for me continued to honk.
I walked over to my mirror and took one last look at myself. my small frame was dressed in a black t-shirt dress that stopped mid thigh. my palms began to grow sweaty as I stood there staring back at myself. the car honked once more and that's all it took for me to finally grab my white cardigan and slip my arms inside of it before walking out the room.
my blonde hair fell to my lower back and I felt good. normally, I would tie it up in a high, but effortless pony tail. I'm sure I had dark circles beneath my eyes due to lack of sleep, but I can never manage to drift to it before 3 A.M. hell I've gone two days straight without sleep. Surely my sleeping schedule was fucked and the fact I had to sit in a classroom for 6 hours did not help.
today I wouldn't be sitting in a classroom trying my hardest not to drift asleep careful not to allow my face to slap against the desk.
taylor had been announcing a party for weeks now, a party that was supposed to take place yesterday, but was pushed for today since his parents left only last night. he has these kinds of parties often and I guess everyone goes. that's what I can assume, he has a shit load of friends that also have a shit load of friends. I've never gone to one just stayed home in my bedroom where the bed is inviting and warmth comforting, oh and the endless movie options are available.
why did I decide to finally leave my cosy home and go to a party full of people I've never bothered to give a second glance to? my best friend alexis would be responsible for this decision.
honestly, part of me wanted to go. I mean- when was the last time I've actually had a nice time? in fact, when was the last time I really left the house for my enjoyment? ever since my older brother passed my parents grew highly protective over me and my other brother Jason who is also older than I am. it isn't just the fact their protective that I don't go out, I never felt the desire to do so. I always felt it was necessary to stay locked inside my bedroom mourning and ignoring the world and everyone around me. you can't get hurt anymore if you don't give people the power to hurt you, right?
I stopped before the door and wrapped my fingers around the knob, slowly turning it and pulling the door open. I was careful not to make too much noise considering I didn't want to wake my mother. dad was out late yet another night leaving my mom worried sick. guilt rushed over me, should I really go?
"scar, we don't have all day, love! c'mon."
I held my finger up to my lips and hushed her as I shut the door behind me then ran quickly to the car. aaron, her boyfriend, was behind the wheel with a grin on his face. beside him was a friend of his. we've hung out before, but I stayed beside alexis and never bothered to catch his name.
I sat at the back with alexis and samantha. the boy with dark brown hair that sat beside aaron turned around in his seat and shot me a grin.
"hey, i'm sammy."
I nodded with a smile then relaxed in my seat. "scarlett."
||
the music was blaring and I could feel my palms grow sweaty as they did back at home with the thought of being here in my mind. I was actually here now and I could feel rush of nerves present itself. I made sure I stayed close to alexis, but once we reached the door her and sam rushed over to a group they knew and I guess we're waiting for them. I didn't know them, the idea of inviting myself over to them felt like a bad one.
