05 || "yeah, were losers aren't we?"
most of the car ride was silent. times like this I wish I was good with words. i'm not sure if he expected me to say anything, but his silence was enough to keep me quiet. it felt kind of awkward, i mean what was there to say? this had just barely begun and it's already starting to flop. all i could think of was the comfort and secure feeling of my room.
i glanced over at shawn and regretted it immediately after. he glanced over at me as well and caught my stare causing heat to rise at my cheeks. i felt pathetic really, making such a deal out of this boy my age. i hardly knew him, hell i didn't know him at all. quickly, i turned my head away and looked out the window beside me. we were passing by some houses, a few trees visible behind them. it was just a long street ahead and shawn took this as an opportunity to speed up. i began to feel uneasy and gripped the sides of the car seat. my finger tips dug into the leather and my heart beat quickened. my head snapped back towards shawn, ready to say something, but what?
"shawn." I swallowed rather hard after speaking up. "shawn, slow down please."
he looked over at me then let out a small laugh before turning his attention back to the street ahead. "what? i'm hardly speeding. relax, loosen up a little."
"shawn, i'm serious slow down!" i gripped his sleeve and was about to reach over for the steering wheel, but he quickly wrapped his fingers around my wrist, the car coming to a rough stop.
"jesus, scar! don't ever do that!"
"i told you to slow down!"
"we weren't even going fast!" he yelled back clearly frustrated with me, but mostly frightened. i felt stupid. completely stupid, i felt like an idiot and a paranoid fool. an old woman who was out on her front lawn had walked over to the shawn's side of the car and tapped the glass. i kept my head hung low, eyes glued to my hands that laid on my lap. shawn allowed the window to roll down and informed the old woman that we were in fact alright.
"everything's fine, yes..thank you ma 'am.." he waved her off then rolled the window back up, his attention now back on me.
"scarlette." he said. i stood shut. "scarlette, are you okay?", he went on placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. I picked my head up then nodded.
"i'm sorry. can you please start driving again."
he didn't say anything, but was hesitant to trust my words. after staring at the side of my head for a good few minutes I could see from the corner of my eye him nod his head and start the car back up. he turned the radio on before actually beginning to drive again. the music concealed the silence and made me feel the slightest bit better.
i felt really bad about what just happened. i didn't mean to scare him, but i was nervous something would happen. i've hardly been in a car after that night with my brother. my parents were always careful not to drive too quick with me in the car, they were aware of my fear. shawn wasn't. i shouldn't have reacted the way i did, he probably wasn't driving as fast as my mind made it seem. yelling at him wasn't the smartest decision either. honestly, i felt humiliated right this very moment. the more i thought about it the worse i felt.
i decided to just push the thought away and listen to the music. the sound of shawn's voice surprised me. "is this okay?"
i was confused for a moment, but soon enough i caught on and nodded quickly. "yeah, you're good."
two songs later the radio was shut off and shawn was shoving the keys to car in his pocket. we were parked in his driveway i'm sure. after he had stepped out i opened the car door and he was already by my side helping me out.
