19 || who to trust
i turned around slowly and looked up at him just as slowly. there were tears already at my eyes before i could even open my mouth to speak.
he took a step towards and reached out for me but i held my hand up and backed up. "stop!" i said sternly. he only blinked, but before he could say anything i began.
"did you think i wouldn't find out? did you ever plan on telling me?"
"what are you talking about?"
"so that's what you meant by a two player game. you're fucking sick, you know? pretending to care. i guess that's just part of your game, toying with the weakest girl you could."
i inched forward after every word until i was able to bang my clenched fists against his chest over and over again.
"i do care, what the fuck is going on? stop it, scar!"
"liar!" i cried, hitting him harder. he took every hit, but finally snatched my wrists into his hands. people were starting to notice and he knew. his hold on me tightened and i screamed for him to let go. he didn't listen and i didn't stop, making him have to practically drag me outside to avoid a scene inside. i didn't care what anyone thought or saw.
"let go of me!" i screamed again then aimed for his chest once i was free. i was letting every bit of pain i've ever felt, not just because of shawn, out on him. he stopped me before i could land a hit and snapped, screaming right back at me.
"you're insane!" his face turned a shade of red and the veins in neck began to show. i flinched, guarding my face with my arms.
"scar, i'm not going to hurt you. what the fuck is happe-"
"what are you going to do? kill me?" i cut him off and closed the space between him, our faces extremely close. the color in his face drained and the veins were gone. he looked lifeless.
"oh my god..." my heart sank into my stomach. "it's true?"
he shook his head and a few tears fell from his eyes, racing down his cheeks.
"that didn't happen, scar. i swear." his hand cupped my cheek and he looked at me with nothing but pain.
"how can i trust you? you never told me about you and sammy being friends or why you dislike him so much. you even lied about your test at my house then left and ignored me for that girl. people always stare when we're together and i thought it was because of me, but it's because of...you."
he shook his head at every word i said and cupped my other cheek now. "i need you to believe me. i didn't do it, scarlett. i was falsely charged a year ago and it ruined my life, but then i met you."
i couldn't believe what i was hearing. alexis wasn't lying, everyone did keep this from me.
"please, let me explain everything to you." he begged, but all i could do was cry. i know i shouldn't, but i want to listen to what he has to say.
i want there to be some perfectly good explanation for this so we could go back to the way things were. before tonight, i was unsure about my feelings for shawn. but they were always clear— i like him. as much i hate it now, i do and and as i stand here with tears falling from my eyes after every blink and his hands holding my wet cheeks i want to kiss him.
i want him to be good for me. to be my personal escape and my beginning followed by a distant end. whatever shawn did, wasn't what we must all think if he is able to walk our school halls and share our classrooms.
