18 || pieces
no he didn't..." i felt dizzy. sweaty palms held my head and i couldn't breathe. "that's not true, alexis."
then i started to connect the dots. shawn was always constantly worried about me and sammy being together. it's like he would flip a switch and turn cold when it came to him. whatever happened, sammy must know and shawn didn't want me to find out.
my stomach was doing flips and i felt like i was going to puke. shawn mendes, the boy that i drove with the night that i met him, spent the night in the same bed with at one of my most vulnerable states, ate shitty frozen yogurt with, invited into my house and let into my room, and gave a guitar to....took someone's life.
"scar, i tried to tell you, but you seemed so attached and i thought maybe i could just convince you to stop being his friend painlessly, bu-"
"STOP! you knew and you let me be his friend." i yelled at her for the second time ever. "i would have never allowed that for you!"
"after everything you've been through i couldn't just rip the first connection you've made since your brother's accident away so easily. i was trying to protect you, scar!"
"protect me? i've spent the night at his house before. how would you have protected me that day if anything happened?" i was stepping closer to her with every word i spat.
"you never told me that!"
even sammy knew." i held my hand over my mouth.
with a pained smile i shook my head then walked towards the door and looked back once, "i hate you both."
i was running back through the school doors and didn't stop running until i was home. my feet stung more every block and i felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. every smile, laugh, and conversation shawn and i have ever shared played through my mind. it wasn't until i was in my bedroom and looking into my mirror that i noticed there were tears streaming down my face.
my thoughts turned to my brother and it felt like i was in that dark place i was when he died all over again.
how could someone that finally got so close to me be responsible for something so evil?
after hours of crying about everything that has ever gone wrong in my life and all of the things i missed out on because i couldn't heal or mourn like a normal person, my throat was strained and my eyes were swollen.
no one was home to hear my cries.
i was alone.
when my thoughts were finally in order i got dressed for the party. i slipped into some heels after stepping into a tight red dress. tonight i decided to do my makeup and get over whatever i had with shawn and pretend nothing's wrong to avoid facing reality.
he is dead to me and i don't want to feel anymore.
the irony of my last thought caused me to shiver, but i grabbed my keys and left the house. there was no one to drive me.
no shawn, no sammy, no alexis. just me and my legs.
i started to think again, and this time i was filled with rage. the party was only a couple blocks away but i turned back around and headed to the only place i could think of. my heels were now in my hands and i was running. somehow, i always end up in this situation. only now it's become destructive behavior instead of anxiety. instead of running from danger, i'm running towards it with nothing but an image of shawn's stupid smile as he looks at me burned into my mind and as my blood continued to boil i wanted to slap it right off his face.
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when i got to shawn's house and knocked on the door his father opened it. i tried my best to keep it together in front of him and calmly ask him where shawn was. the look on his face when his eyes fell upon was utter shock. it took him a few minutes to process that i was standing at his doorstep and i couldn't help but wonder if it were because shawn told him about me.
"mr. mendes?" i asked.
he shook his head then smiled, "sorry dear. shawn said something about a school party. he isn't home."
the college party. i knew he'd go...
"thank you." i smiled then waited till he shut the door so i could rush into the street and hop into a cab. after telling the driver the address i began to bounce my leg nervously.
i don't know what i'm doing or what my plan is. all i was sure of was that i felt betrayed and best of all hurt, and shawn had to know.
shawn didn't live too far from the location of the party, but i didn't have the strength to walk again. we arrived in just a few short moments and once the driver had parked at the front of the house i handed him a twenty dollar bill and left him with the change.
he drove off and i walked up to the door where i was greeted by some older guys. the music was blaring and the ground shook beneath every step that i took into the house.
i looked around for shawn's tall figure. he normally shouldn't be hard to find, but this house was packed and everywhere i turned i was face to face with a stranger. at some point i figured shawn wouldn't be in this crowd alone, but that was the shawn i thought i knew. he could be anywhere with anyone.
"scar?"
the voice belonged to sammy, making me walk faster.
"talk to me! what are you doing here?" his hand wrapped around my arm with a painful grip and i yanked it away yelling for him to leave me alone.
he trailed behind me until we both got lost in the crowd. when i last turned to glance at him he was searching for me, his phone held to his ear. probably calling alexis.
"scarlett?" another voice said behind me moments later after and i stopped in my tracks.
it was shawn.
