MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ONESHOTS

historian, traveler, scientist, god

(trigger warnings for language, religious themes, and suicidal thoughts)

(i am sick of ships and would love more of mikey, sweet jesus. but. yknow. sarcastic fandom mikey since we probably aren't characterizing him most accurately)

           "Alright, Rays, are we ready?"

           Five cloned Rays stood behind The Big Lever (as we like to call it here in the lab). "Yes, let's go, let's do this thing, yeah, affirmative," they all said over each other.

           "Alright." I looked up. The ceiling of the time machine had all the buttons pressed, all the switches flicked. The small, person-sized room buzzed with energy, like a rocket soon to lift off. "Pull... The Big Lever!" I ordered.

           I heard the colossal thing bend behind me, clicking in place, but only for a moment, because then I was between universes, and all I could hear was what I could only describe as... everything echoing through time. I don't remember what I saw. It wasn't the blue-ish galaxy you might imagine surrounding you. More like a void... a fold in the universe... filled with white. It was blinding. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, aaaand...

           I'd arrived. There were many eras and time periods I was scheduled to travel today, so I wasn't sure where on my queue I was yet. Time to figure that out. I was in a thick forest, but that didn't tell me much. I wandered aimlessly, searching for clues... or an exit. But there was nothing, and I was hopelessly lost.

           Shit.

           "Heya."

           I jumped and put my fists out in self defense. "What the fu—"

           "Hey, no need to be so jumpy," someone said. Footsteps behind me. I turned... and someone spawned.

           Little flames flickered around his arms and legs. He was wearing a toga, but his hair was totally opposite the time period the outfit suggested — he had a brown, punky mullet that curled around his ears. Speaking of ears, they were pierced and had gauges in them. So, yeah, a little modern for Ancient Greece or Rome or wherever this was.

           With a gesture — a grandiose turn of his hand — he spawned a... fucking martini.

           Another thing I failed to mention, this dude had what looked to be millions of tattoos covering his body — some of these things were pretty modern. For example, lots of Bible references and band references. That shit was definitely not ancient. 

           "Who the hell are you?" I demanded.

           "I'm God," he replied, "but you can call me Frank."

● ● ●

           "Alright, Rays, my first mission was... weird... and not much was accomplished... but we have work to do, and I'm ready for the next era," I said, stepping inside the time machine again. "Ready The Big Lever again."

           They crowded around The Big Lever.

           "Pull the lever," I ordered.

           As the lever creaked, I went through some more universe folds and teleported somewhere else — in the middle of nowhere again. Great. That's reassuring.

           Okay, whatever. I can do this. No more distractions from enigmatic gods — only science and history.

           "Hey again, Mikey."

           I yelled stupidly and put my dukes out. It was Frank again.

           I groaned. "Fuck you, dude! I'm in the middle of stuff here."

           Now he was wearing a tunic and looked like a bard. Maybe his clothing was hints about the ages.

           Before he could open his big yapping mouth to talk again, I asked, "Would we be in the Medieval Times?"

           "Yup."

           "Got it, thanks." Then I ditched him. Nothing was learned on that adventure.

● ● ●

           "Just pull the freakin' lever," I mumbled. The Rays did, I went through another blinding white void, and plopped down... somewhere actually substantial. I was clearly in Italy during the Renaissance, and I was in some guy's house. You never know how much you can learn from some average Joe until you do.

           "Are you gonna keep avoiding me or would you like me to help you on your journey through time?" Frank questioned.

           I inhaled deeply through my nose and turned around. "Why do you always spawn behind me? Why do you want to talk to me so badly?"

           Frank thought carefully and scratched his head. Eventually, he shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. You're just way smarter and cooler than these foregone fucks."

           I sputtered and flailed my arms around, trying to show him the incredible stuff around us. "Frank. You are in the Italian Renaissance right now. You're an immortal and can see any and every piece of history come and go — weave together like a web. It's insanely cool. How can you just disregard that?!"

           Frank shrugged again. "I'm kind of sick of it." I stared again. "Just hear me out!" he said. I nodded but frowned.

           He sighed. "I've been around for a while now. I watched you, in the future — your present, invent time travel. That was all you needed to transcend God — me. Humans have evolved enough. There is a lot left for you to learn, but not much left for you to gain. It's what I wanted to happen, and I like it better this way... but at the same time, I feel like my use is expired."

           "I don't know if I can watch tragedy happen again and again," he continued. "There has been disease and war and backstabbing. I have been here through all of it. I think..." he trailed off here. After such strong words, all he did was trail off.

           I narrowed my eyes and creased my eyebrows. I became concerned. "What do you think, Frank?" It sounded less like a question and more like a quavery statement when I said it.

           He stared at me solemnly. "I think I want to die," he admitted. "You don't need me anymore, I don't want to be here anymore. I think I should just go."

           I sputtered even more. "Frank, shut the hell up," I yelled. "Before today, I was sure there was no God. You're... extraordinary, even though I was confused about you at first and acted.. uncool." I took a breath. "Stay, please. We can be friends. You can even meet me in different eras."

           He looked tired, but thankful. "Alright. I'll think about it."

● ● ●

           "Rays, we're gonna have to postpone my next mission," I announced as soon as I was back home.

           "Huh? What? Why? What's up? Whaddya mean?"

           "I've just discovered a most interesting recurring event in history," I stated, "and I need some time to let it sink in."

( they are best friends :) )