MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ONESHOTS

one last shot at a oneshot

(trigger warning for language, secondhand embarrassment, and creepy fanboyness)

(this oneshot is dedicated to my concert that is [as of september 25, 2022, the date that i write this author's note] in 3 days!!!!)

(enjoy)

"Woo!" said Gerard, taking off his hat and shoving it over Mikey's eyes, adrenaline still rushing through his veins. "Another great show, you guys!" He started to bro-punch Ray on the arm. "And, uh... the audience loooved the cowgirl get-up."

As Gerard pranced and giggled around the backstage in his little pink boots, Frank sat on a random black block and strummed a chord, grinned. "What the fuck did you add to Vampire Money, Ray? There was a little, sorta... uh..." Frank attempted the impromptu solo Ray allegedly added, but it just didn't sound as cool unplugged.

Ray smiled widely. "I dunno, I just wanted to add a... somethin'-somethin'. I'm glad it turned out good!"

Mikey was laying on the dirty floor, wearing the cowgirl hat on his face. Muffled, he asked, "Should we go see the fans? They're probably wondering what the hell's taking us so long."

Frank shot up, his guitar falling to the ground and making a terrible noise. It's okay, they're all used to Frank destroying guitars. "Except they're probably saying it like, 'Whut thuh hayll's takin' those them there emo bitches so lawng?'"

"We're in Dallas, not uhh... y'know," Mikey said. He gingerly took the cowgirl hat off his face and sat up. He drew a blob in the air with his finger. It didn't resemble Texas in the slightest. "The South-South. The tip," Mikey continued, pointing to his invisible shape. 

"Dick joke here," said Frank.

"Giddyup, y'all! Let's go see our fans!" Gerard interjected. Everyone got up on their feet and began to speed-walk to the door.

But hiding in the shadows... a fan already dwelled... He cleared his throat.

Everyone turned around at the same time, as coordinated, bamboozled and moderately terrified as the Scooby Doo gang.

"Who said that?" breathed/sharply questioned/whisper-yelled Gerard. He put his hand on his holster, which held a prop gun from Spirit Halloween. "Don't make me use this!"

"It is I..." said the shadow, which strutted out and slowly took form, "Beetle."

Beetle, the fanboy, put his hands on his hips and puffed his chest out proudly. He was dressed in his best Hot Topic merch and wore his favorite pink zebra-print Claire's hair extension. He had to buy it on EBay — no mall sold them anymore.

Crickets. An awkward cough.

"Uh, sorry, kid, but who the hell are you?" Frank asked.

Beetle slouched, his face fell. "Y'know, like... 'BEETLEBRAINS' with a one and a 'Z?' Maybe you know me better as 'BEETLE dash BRAIN?' Or even 'dash BEETLE FANBOY?!' I mean, I never did a face reveal, so it makes sense you wouldn't recognize me, but, really, how many people named Beetle are there?"

"Ever met a non-binary person in your life, Beetle?" asked Gerard, who was suddenly wearing the cowgirl hat again. No-one noticed him take it from Mikey, not even Mikey.

Beetle stuck his finger up — like a cartoon — in retaliation, opened his mouth... then closed it. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. But, anyway! Seriously, guys?! I was manifesting so hard that at least one of you had read my fanfic!"

Ray thought long and hard for a second. "Did you write the one where we're kind of in a band and we tour except we're exorcists? And I fuck Mikey?"

Mikey's eyes widened. "Huh?" He'd been half-zoning out since Beetle began rambling.

"What? No. I'm not that famous," said Beetle. "I wrote Ghost, though. It's like... implied you guys are fucking."

"No, I don't think I read that one," said Gerard. "Are you on AO3 or Wattpad?"

"Well, Wattpad and AO3, but nobody cares about me on there. It's only my cringe Wattpad shit people pay attention to. That's okay. I've made peace with that," Beetle said.

"Just like I made peace with the Milk Fic many a year ago..." Gerard said wistfully, looking off into the distance like his lone rider stage persona.

"Guys," said Ray, "I'm getting tired. Will this stupid banter/dialogue have an ending?" He turned to Beetle, pinched the bridge of his nose. "And will you leave?"

"Yeah, I'm sleepy, too. It's like, 10:49 pm right now," Beetle said, pushing his teased hair out of his face.

Frank checked his Fitbit. "No, it's not."

"For you, maybe," said Beetle, staring directly at you.

My Chemical Romance watched Beetle stare at a wall. "Huh?" They all said at once. Then they shrugged in unison and walked out of the backstage to greet the rest of their fans, who would hopefully be slightly normaler and better at writing. But that was pushing it, wasn't it?

After a few hugs and autographs, Mikey remembered Beetle was still in the backstage. He poked his head back in. "Leave," he said.

"Okay," said Beetle, and he disappeared in a cloud of pink, glittery dust.

Strangely, not a member of My Chemical Romance remembered that day. Almost like it was wiped from their minds...

(fin)