a r c a n e [Poems]

Orginal monsters

Original monsters taste like depression
They taste like when I would lie in bed all day never being able to lose the feeling that there were weight like shackles connected to my body from every angle

They taste like when I could barely muster up a smile and if I could get one to appear it would disappear as fast as the snow that came for only a few seconds
Never being able to stick to the ground
The small bits of snow coming and giving you hope then leaving when it felt like it

They taste like when every thing I had to do made me cry making me think that I too like the dinosaurs would die

When everything was so overwhelming that I had to get a blade to cut the worries away

Only telling them to come back another day cause yes I knew they would come back but in that moment that blissful moment all I felt was the stinging of the blade almost like I was cutting everything away and as I watched the crimson blood flow from my wrists it felt as if the were problems leaving me body

They taste like when I would block the world out with music filling my ears instead of the voices and hate of my other peers or my own thoughts filling my head so I would listen to the sweet nothings of the people with the same problems and how they would come to overcome them

I could not feel my body
I felt as if I was not there and nothing could make this feeling go away because everything still hurt and I wasn't quite sure why

They taste like when the voices in my head became to much so I would sleep all day everyone becoming worried why I wasn't myself and why I couldn't smile and why I couldn't laugh

So I would watch the crimson blood flow from my wrists thinking that something was wrong with me

That had to be the answer right?
I mean why else would I hurt everyone with my presence
Why else would my own body and mind betray me
Unless there was something wrong with me

They taste like when I could not eat I could not force the food into my body for it made me sick to just look at it
It made me feel bad about my body
So I starved myself hoping that maybe just maybe I would die like the dinosaurs

Original monsters taste like depression
I can taste the depression on my tongue and it brings me back to that time when my body was not mine

I can feel myself slowly slipping back into this feeling but until I am fully there I will fake it because no one really cares

So I will drink original monsters until someone's cares enough to notice.