a r c a n e [Poems]

light bulbs

Sometimes I lie awake at night
It's dark and my a body is cold
Thinking about the ways I could do it
Wondering if I should

I know we have dark days
I know that sometimes the lights bulbs burn out in our worlds

I think about everyone's words
I think about how people say if I died they would be broken

How the light that shines from me would no longer burn bright

I think about this but the only
Thing that burns at the moment is my arms

The burning sensation when I stand in the shower

I lie awake at night thinking what more is there for me to do

After a while people would forget me and everything would be fine

the lights have been out for so long I don't have the motivation to get new bulbs

I understand life is so much more then a bad day

But it's been a bad day
Then a bad week
Then a bad month
Then a year

And night after night
Year after year
Voices echo and tears fall and I'm not quite sure what to do

I know it's not the answer
I know that it's something that can't be taken back

A chapter in a book you can't turn back too

But maybe I should burn the book
Cast it away
Throw it in the ocean
Just get rid of it

The lights of my world have burned out and so has the fire in my eyes

Everything's fine I say
Even though I haven't eaten
I haven't slept
The lines on my wrist are back and I'm so scared of what's next

I'm terrified of what's to come
Every waking moment my body trembles

Sleep isn't safe and the nightmares stay
I fear for the night and the day
I don't know what to do anymore
If I'm lucky a good day will come and I'll be able to turn the lights back on

I'm not going to do it
But sometimes I wish I would