a r c a n e [Poems]

Falling into darkness

Falling that's what it is
I can feel myself falling
Falling down into that dark place
It's terrifying really

Knowing where you're going but not knowing how to stop it
Or even worse not having the energy to stop it

I can feel the tears swell in my eyes as I think about my life and I can feel the sleep slip away as cry every thing into existence

Thinking about how I used to draw on my skin
Pretty little flowers
Smiley faces and so many other pretty things

But now those beautiful things have turned into deep cuts with blood dripping down my arms like the color of the flowers that once were

I'm so bad at this
I wish I could be good
I wish there was a course you could take in school that helps you navigate the scary things but instead I am stuck scratching at my arms in the middle of math class wondering what's gonna happen when I walk out those doors

Checking the clock and watching the seconds tick by

Wanting to go home but not wanting to be alone and feel the darkness come back and rush over me all at once

It all happens so quickly and as I smile and wave my friends good bye but as soon as I step into the coldness of my room
I fall to my knees and the tears that had been building up all day leave my eyes
Finally being free once more

I hate those feeling but I don't know what to do to stop it or even if there is a way to stop it

So I watch as I slip back to the darkness