a r c a n e [Poems]

A Promise That Can't Be Kept

I want to release my pain
I want to let it all out
I want to claw at my body in all different places

But I promised myself I wouldn't
I know that I can not keep this promise for long but I try too

Is it bad I miss the lines of red running across my arms

I promised myself that I wouldn't let it get this bad

That I wouldn't have to reset the timer ever few hours

But the urge to see the beautiful crimson becomes to much and I give into it

It tells me pretty lies

It tells me that it can make me feel better

It tells me that it can make all the pain disappear

But only at a price and only for a second

And I know it lies but I pay in full with my sanity

I pay with the guilt that creeps through my veins as my loved ones gather around me and I sneak away to the bathroom to sign my sorrows away once more

I hate this deal I have made and I wish I could stop but a part of me doesn't want to so I promise myself I'll stop and never do