Pain Is Power

21: We Can't Lose Her

Peter and I stood on either side of the door frame listening to Peppa and Dad argue about me. "He gave her the all-clear." "How? When she said what she said." "She was upset she explained that." "No" "Tony you don't even know anything about this woman she was familiar to Mimi. Mimi didn't seem fearful of revisiting. You need her help quite frankly."  

Peter and I shared a look, he looked apologetic. "Am I meant to forget what Peter told me?" "What did you tell him?" I asked out loud he didn't like me in his head it freaked him out. "That you're only alive right now because you didn't want him to go cold again." "Why would you say that to him?" We walked away from the door. "Kid?" Thor said grabbing Peters attention. "Need your help with the ticky exploding thing." "I'll be in the lab," Peter tells me. "I'll be out front." We both nod and go our separate ways. I start to practice my combat imagining an enemy in front of me. It was easy to do with the reality stone it came in handy a lot actually. Like right now I'm on a rooftop fighting a bad guy not here stuck at my family's cabin with people I don't want to see. 

----------

"Hey." Wanda snapped me out of my thoughts. I had been thinking about the red room, the things we had to do, the training, the schedule we kept, the ballet classes and language classes, the missions, the surgery's the brainwashing, the meetings, the beatings, the punishments, the missions. the missions. The missions. 

"Hi." We haven't really spoken since she kissed me at the party. I didn't understand why she did it. And I don't think I wanted to, things were already way too over my head. I had no clue what was happening day to day never mind trying to understand peoples intentions behind their actions too. I had been staying in Morgan's room since it happened. I made an excuse up most nights to go in there and whilst we're here I am actually sharing Morgans room along with Peter so avoiding her has been easy despite the close quarters. 

"Are you okay?" "I'm fine," I say looking up from my paper. I was trying to recall an old memory. And it was coming in bits and pieces so I was taking notes. "Are you sure because?" "I passed my evaluation, what more do people want. I didn't mean what I said." "But Peter said." "Peter doesn't have a clue what I'm thinking." "But I do." "Do you? Or do you just know what I want you to know?" She looked hurt but sat across from me on the picnic bench. I sighed that wasn't an invitation for her to sit with me in fact it was the opposite. "I'm busy." "Let me help then." "You can't help," I say picking my pen back up. 

"Who is that lady?" "Does it matter?" "Alisa... Who was she? You had a warm feeling when you saw her picture... Why?" "That's my business not yours." "We're friends." "Until you kissed me." "I had too much to drink. You said you weren't mad about it." "I'm not mad about it." I defend. "I was confused, Wanda. Forgive me if I had been in a box for too long but friends don't kiss... not like that." I tell her. She blushed. "I couldn't get my words out and it was the only thing I could think of doing that would tell you what I was thinking." "Hey Amelia just read my thoughts for a second I can't pluck up the courage to tell you? That wouldn't have worked no?" I scribbled on the paper to distract myself. "I brought Matty to see you." "I didn't want to meet your boyfriend." "Clearly! You hid from us all night and the second he was gone Wanda appears... And he's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend." "You don't have friends." She mumbled. "I do. I have friends. Matty is my friend." "Then why lie about his name." "I'm too tired to do this okay. I have every single person in this house looking at me like I'm a mental case and now you're questioning me too. I do things because I think I need to do things. I don't have to justify my actions. Not to you and not to anyone in this house for that matter. so why don't you just back the hell off." I tell her.

"Because I'm worried about my friend." She says softly. "Talk to me. I can try and understand." "You couldn't understand anything if you tried. You don't know what I went through." "Then talk to Natasha! Talk to someone. I don't care who but sitting out here alone torturing yourself with memories from your past isn't the way to deal with it." "I told you to stay out of my head." I narrowed my eyes at her. "It's not healthy." I take a deep breath to calm myself. I was lashing out because I was upset not at Wanda at the situation I was terrified of having to go back there. everyone said it was over but it's not over until he is dead. We can only hide in a cabin for so long. he'll find us and he'll take me back I'm his property.