Pain Is Power

39: Reality

We walked in and instantly everyone came rushing over hugging us, I was a little overwhelmed. I have gotten used to having a whole house with just Nat and me in. "Who's this little girl?" Yelena said taking Coco from me. "She's my little baby," I say smothering her with kisses. "Her name is Coco," Nat said taking her.

"Do we get to keep her?" She asked excitedly. "I've always wanted a dog." She added. "She's going back home, Amelia," Dad warned. I pouted. "But look at that face." nat turned her to show my dad. "We can't have a pet here." "But Dad." "Amelia." He warned. I didn't want to say goodbye to her. I've grown attached to her. 

"You know how I feel about animals." I looked at Nat trying to keep my tears at bay. Coco as silly as it sounds had brought me some happiness, she had given me a reason to get out of bed because she needed walking and feeding, she gives me cuddles and kisses. It was like having Morgan, I had to get up with her to help with breakfast and sometimes to take her to school, I got all the cuddles I wanted from her she was attached to my hip half the time. I had to say goodbye to Morgan I didn't want to say goodbye to Coco too. 

"I'm really tired I'm going to get some shut-eye." I lie, I had slept the last half of the drive. "Come on Coco." I reached for her. I'll be up when I can get away. I want to be alone. Mila, please don't go back to before. I shut her out of my head not listening to her anymore and I knew she couldn't feel me because she frowned. I took Coco and my bag upstairs and go to my room, I locked the door and then looked around the room was a mess. I set Coco on the bed. I cleaned up and unpacked and then cuddled with Coco on the bed my tears soaked into her fur. 

"I don't want to say goodbye to you," I whispered to her. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep you, and love you." I pecked her head and she licked my cheek. It was silly to be this upset. I knew Dad wouldn't keep her. When we were on the mission nothing at home seemed real. The grief left, the sadness left, the longing for Morgan left, missing Peppa's nurturing, It all disappeared it wasn't real and after the first week I felt happy. 

Nat did little things that would make me smile, like the weekly flowers, it was so sweet of her and I know she was playing the part but still. And she'd run me a bath after a busy day. We had a good life, being a couple in a new state, it was nice to pretend that we didn't have problems and when we left all that pain and sadness entered through the flood gates. 

Nat fell asleep in the first hour of the drive and when she did my tears slid down my cheeks as I drove because I knew what was waiting for me to engulf me when I entered the state again. I had both of my sisters taken from me. Peppa wasn't here. I didn't have space. I was working constantly. I was unhappy. These memories the people everything it just got too much the only time it stopped was when I was running but I didn't have the energy to run I barely mustered the energy to get out of bed most days never mind run for hours just to feel okay. 

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NATASHA'S POV

"Tony you don't understand." "Natasha we haven't got the time to have a dog." "Coco is no trouble at all she's house trained and she sleeps all day." "and what happens if we have an off earth mission. Who will look after her?" "Happy! Peppa? There are people we can ask." "Natasha no it's not a good idea." "you haven't been with her the past month you don't know what she's been like." "Then explain." "Coco made her smile the first day she arrived. And she didn't delay getting up. She goes to her for comfort. We have been happy over there. The minute we're back she shuts down again. Coco could keep her motivated." "It's a dog, Nat." "You took Morgan from her...I know it was her for safety I understand that. But Morgan brought Amelia's sparkle back after Pips. And then Morgan went away and she shut down Coco is a small thing that could-"Nat... We can't keep her... I know you girls have formed attachments in the dog whilst you were on a mission but she can't stay." "At least let Morgan keep her." He sighed. "Okay." I smiled.