Pain Is Power

29: A Theory

Amelia's pov

I finally had my own room which felt amazing, I have always been sharing I shared with Piper, With the Widows, With Natty, With Wanda, With Morgan, With Peter With Wanda again. But I had my own space all to myself.

I say all to myself, Bucky was laid on my bed and Peter was sitting at my desk. This has become standard when Peter gets home from school and I and Bucky haven't got a mission or training we hang out in here. A. Because my room was the cleanest and never smelled of rotting pizza. B. it was the biggest and C. they'd follow me in here after I got Morgan her snack. I didn't mind though.

"I have math homework to do so I'm ditching early tonight," Peter says standing up. "So you're going to go to your room and messaging Ned for the answers because you're too tired to do it yourself?" I questioned him. "I am a superhero and a college student... I'm allowed to be lazy sometimes." "You're lazy all the time." "Says the girl who doesn't go to school." "No I just sit here all day making new tech and suits for everyone with my dad whilst you're having fun at school with your girlfriend and Ned." "Whatever." I waved him off as I sat up from my laid position on my floor. The door closed and Bucky looked at me. "What?" I asked tilting my head. He nudged his. "What do you want?" I asked amused as I stood up. "Don't make me say it." You know what I want. "Say it once." "I want cuddles Amelia Stark. Is that a crime?" "The winter soldier asking for cuddles isn't a crime but it's cute." I teased sitting beside him on the bed as he wrapped his arms around me. "Tell anyone and I'll deny it." "And who do you think they'll believe huh?" I teased. "Me their oldest friend." "Or the one with a photographic memory."

I turned my head so we were looking at each other our faces centimeters away from each other. He leant in but I moved back. "I can't." He cupped my face with his metal hand gently brushing his thumb over my cheeks. "I won't hurt you." I wanted to believe him but the chills I get whenever someone touches me was horrific even now when he was being so soft with me. Sometimes when Peter brushes past me as were walking in and out of the doors or through the halls I get the same feeling. It wasn't something I have been able to move past and I've been out of that dreadful place for a year now. Don't get me wrong I had made progress I would have never had cuddles with him before but now I can and it feels kind of nice but the minute my head goes to that place I stop it and I feel squirmish in his arms and then I can't breathe, his arms become snakes constricting me, completely cutting off the oxygen to my lungs. "I can't," I repeated again moving from his touch completely rolling off of the bed and standing at the foot of it. "I'm sorry." "It's not your fault." I looked down at my hands. "I should go." "We can still hang out."

He stood up standing a little away from me. "I have feelings for you and I get you're not in a place where you are able to correspond." Not this again things just stopped being weird with Wanda, now she's in love with a toaster... Well Vision Bruce and Dad finally finished him and they're madly in love. I don't get it but she's happy so I'm happy. He left after finishing his speech and somehow I felt alone again, Bucky was my friend and I keep losing them.

Maybe I'm the problem.

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NATASHA'S POV

"Out," Amelia says looking at Yelena after bursting through the door to our room. "What did I do?" "Just get out a second." She demands. Yelena mutters to herself as she leaves moving past Amelia she walked over to me closing the door with her power and stood right in front of me, I was just about to get changed after my training session.

"What's wrong?" I asked her. "Just shush I minute." She says she kept looking at me. I've been avoiding her the past few months only being around her when we had a mission and not really talking to her outside of work, she tried a few times but I wanted her to give Bucky a chance to have a full functioning relationship. After the night Yelena forgave me I realised what I was feeling when I saw Bucky hold her hand it was jealousy and I thought hard about why? Why would I care? Because us sleeping together made me feel more connected to her than I ever have before, giving her complete control I trusted her. Trust is the first step... the need to protect her began to grow the fear of losing her grew more it took over from time to time. Trust was the foundation and the feelings rooted and began to grow and I couldn't do that to her because I would never be enough for her she deserved someone who could be strong who wasn't so damaged she deserved a normal relationship someone who didn't get consumed by the past. I got lost in her big brown orbs as she looked at me I didn't know if she was running through my mind or just simply looking at me.