Pain Is Power

43: Christmas Party

"Girls you're going to have to unpause for work," Cap said to me and Mila as he entered the meeting room. He handed us files and we all looked over them. It was an easy enough case. "Can you get on for the day?" He asked. We looked at each other before nodding. "Suit up." 

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We got the mission done fine we're professional people our job comes first. We were now on the jet in silence as she typed up our case notes. She was better at it because of her memory plus she liked doing it so no point in arguing with her over it.

"Can we talk?" "No." She says closing the laptop. "We need to talk." "You're embarrassed. End of." "Not true." "I'm pausing." "I'm unpausing." "You can't do that. Those aren't the rules of the pause." I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry Wanda won't tell anyone. She's our friend. She wouldn't have anyway." "I wasn't bothered about them knowing about us. I was bothered about them knowing how it happened." "Firstly there's no us." I swallowed thickly, ouch. "Secondly we're both adults. Consenting adults what we choose to do-"I took advantage of you because I was feeling shitty." "I got in your bed. I kissed you." "I made you feel like you had to beforehand." "No, you didn't." She turned to look at me in her seat. "If you took advantage of me I did the same to you." "I don't want people to think-"who cares! Who cares what people think?" "I do! I care!" "Why?" "Because Amalia people know things and I don't want them second-guessing my intentions." "Which are?" "It doesn't matter." "Don't make me go in there. Because I swear Nat I'm at my end with all this!" "I just want to look after you," I say vaguely. "How many times? I can look after myself."
I rub my face and walk off.

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We eventually landed and then we didn't talk again. "Here." Amelia handed Cap our mission reports she filled out on the plane. "Dinner?" "Not hungry." We answer in unison before walking off. She ended up in my room. "I know." She said simply sitting down on Yelena's bed. "Know what?" "What you admitted to Peppa. I told you I was bored of going around in circles." "You went in my head!" I shouted at her. "Yeah. I did." She said almost proudly. "I told you to stay out of there." "And I told you I would get my answers myself." She wasn't fazed by my annoyance. We both held eye contact for a long while before she stood up. "I'm not ready right now." She says softly. "After what happened." This is exactly why I didn't want to tell her. Things would get weird between us and I'll never have a chance.  "I promised Peppa I'd be your friend for now. I don't want to hurt you." "You couldn't if you tried." She tucked my hair behind my ear before letting her hand cup my face. "I'm not good in relationships," I admit. "I can't love you," I whispered as her face was close to mine my lips grazed hers as I spoke. "You love me just fine." She whispered back. I blushed at her words. "Please leave before I hurt you," I asked her. She didn't answer me she just kissed me. "Friends Agent Stark," I say pulling away. "Friends kiss sometimes." "Do they?" I said amused. "We're friends and we kiss." Her hand rested on the zip of my suit. "I want to do this right," I tell her. She kissed me again leaving my zip alone respecting my wishes, I kissed her quickly and hungrily. Not being able to kiss her whilst she was away from me with her. Who was hurting her? "You can touch me...I trust you." She told me looking into my eyes. I hadn't realised I kept my hands to myself, normally they would be roaming her perfect body by now. I traced her face and let my hands fall to her waist tugging her closer to me I felt myself being softer with her. I didn't want to trigger her. And we weren't meant to be doing this.

We pulled away but I chased her lips pecking them causing her to giggle. "I'm going to shower. And try and bond with Wanda." She says still leaning into my touch. "She's not giving me death looks anymore," I say. "Progress." She said impressed. "Yeah...she's defiantly not happy with me though." I pouted. I missed my friend. "Just blame it all on me. My brown eyes will get me out of it." She teased. I kissed her once more. "Friends." I nodded and we exited each other's embrace and went to do our business.