Pain Is Power

63: Monkey's In Suits

AMELIA'S POV

I knocked on P's door before walking in and pushing my hands in my pockets to hide the trembling from her, she's a very observant little girl and she's in her "but why?" stage and we'd be here forever.

"Penelope?" I say she sits up on her bed and wipes her eyes. I sit on the chair beside her bed adjusting it slightly so I was facing her completely. "Is she gone?" She asked sniffling I shake my head. "Can you tell me what happened?" "She wouldn't let me see you and I wanted to and you said I could and when I got there she grabbed my arm real tight and pulled it and I almost fell over and it really hurt Muma." I was disappointed in my daughter for lying. "Are you sure that's what happened?" I asked her giving her a chance to fully explain herself she's a kid and this is all new to her having Nat around. "Yes Muma, I'm sure." I nodded. "I think that maybe Natasha didn't want you to wake me." She nodded. "But she didn't grab you hard enough to hurt you is that right?" I asked her softly. She pouted and looked away guiltily. "Penelope you know lying is bad." "But Muma." "Penelope," I said in a warning tone. "Lying is wrong... You especially can't lie about someone hurting you, that can get Natasha in a lot of trouble. She's your mummy." "You're my muma I don't want another one!" She shouted. 

I closed my eyes for a moment trying to pull the strength and energy together to deal with this. "Penelope she is your mother! I am not going anywhere okay, I'm always going to be there and so is Natasha." "But she'll take you away from me." "No one can take me away from you my sweet girl," I said, stroking her hair my hands were visibly shaking. "You can not do that again Penelope," I warned her firmly so she know she did wrong. She's normally perfectly behaved, I have to tell her to calm down sometimes because she's so full of energy but that's about it. She doesn't lie. "I'm sorry muma." Her bottom lip wobbled. I pulled her onto my lap and hugged her offering her some comfort. "You need to apologise to Nat too." "Now?" "When you mean it, I don't want you to say it if you don't mean it," I tell her clearly. "Okay." "Did you eat lunch?" "Most of it." I nodded. 

"You have no screen time today because of lying to muma okay." "Okay." I could hear her pout. "I love you." "I love you too." She says back. "Are you coming downstairs or are you staying up here?" I questioned. "I'd like to stay up here for a while." "Okay, call muma if you need her." Sitting her back on the bed I pecked her forehead and she cupped my face giving me an Eskimo kiss. I then left and Nat was still standing nervously by my, our, bedroom door. 

I smiled at her to reassure her. "You could have gone in." I chuckled pushing the door open and taking her hand. She looked around at the newly decorated room. Nothing has changed except for the fact I have a new bed and the walls had been freshly painted. "You kept this photo?" She asked picking it up from my bedside. I blushed. "I missed you," I say sitting on the unmade bed. For her, no time at all had passed but for me, it had been 6 years. Six whole years of longing for someone, needing their comfort it was horrible. The only good thing that came out of it was P. 

"What did she say?" "She's scared I'm going to leave." "That's because you baby her." She shoots at me. "I don't baby her. It was just me and her Natasha that's all it's ever been. Our friends were off fighting the bad guys, Peppa was busy with Stark tower and Morgan. It was just us for a really long time until I went back to work at least. And then it would still be us in the evenings, in the mornings, snow days, sick days, holidays. I'm all she's ever known." "But you've never given her a reason to believe that you'd leave." "You. You're the reason, Nat. You left. You bailed on us before we were even an us." "So you're mad at me." "I told you I warned you. I said I could do it." "You were pregnant with our child." "Then why didn't you let Bruce jump? He had nothing waiting for him. You had everything you ever wanted waiting for you. Why the hell did you jump?" "Pause." "No we've been on pause for 6 damn years Natasha I'm tired of the damn pause. I want an answer and I want it to be the truth." "I was scared okay." "You don't think I was? I had no clue what everyone was doing whilst I brought our little girl into the world. I don't remember any of it seriously nothing all I remember is thinking about you and if you were okay and what you were doing and when you'd be back and if you were being safe. And then everyone came home and you didn't Lena was the first person to hold P and Clint fitted the car seat. Wanda helped pick her name because I didn't know which one you prefer and I wanted to get it right. You had told her you liked Penelope best. I was scared Natasha I was alone. I didn't run into danger I ran away from it because I had something more important waiting for me when I got home. So it's not an excuse and I'm fucking pissed at you for doing it! I'm so mad at you!" I admit all my energy had gone and I felt a little dizzy. "Do you want me to leave?" "No!" I rubbed my face frustrated and then slammed my hands against the bed. These things need to stop trembling. I'm sick of it.