Trying Your Luck // Joel Hokka

VIII

TW: mentions of abuse, but nothing explicit

The boys were staying at the hotel near the venue and when we arrived at the hotel other boys decided to go get some drinks at the hotel bar. Joonas was begging for me to stay and drink with them, but Joel basically dragged me away from the boys.

"I don't like sharing," Joel said to Joonas as he grabbed my arm and led me to the elevator.

"Oh, please, it wouldn't be the first girl!" Joonas sassed back and I started to giggle, but the elevator doors were about to close and I just waved to the boys and sent them an air kiss.

The elevator ride was silent, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Joel was still holding my hand in his and I don't think he even noticed. It made me feel like a giggly school girl.

The elevator dinged and Joel led me to his room, after opening the doors, he let me in and it was a bit of a mess. There were a few beer cans and some clothes laying around.

"Already?" I let out a laugh.

"We were in a bit of a rush, and I couldn't find my favorite shirt," Joel chuckled and put his leather jacket on the back of the chair and so did I.

"If you don't mind I'll take a quick shower," Joel said, as he kicked off his shoes and took off his shirt. It was like he wasn't even bothered by the fact that we were kind of like strangers at this point, "I would offer you to take one with me, but I think I have overstepped my boundaries already."

"Jesus, Joel! Who are you?" I looked at him with fake shock. Joel that I knew wasn't so blunt.

"Once again learned from the best," Joel shrugged, "There is some beer in the fridge and maybe you could order something to eat, I'm starving."

"Sure, sure, just use me for my money," I signed, but Joel had already disappeared into the bathroom. I got the beer from the fridge and sat on the armchair near the window, I looked outside and the sun was setting down. What am I doing here? Why does Joel want me to stay with him?

I took a sip of a beer and fished out my phone from my backpack. I was scrolling through some menus for a while, but I wasn't hungry or I was, but my nerves were getting the worst of me. My mindless scrolling was interrupted by the sound of bathroom doors opening and Joel was standing there, just in his boxers, his hair wet. In any other circumstances I would have drooled and jumped his bones, but all I could notice was how bony and lean he looked. Joel always has been lean, but he even looked a bit sick now and my heart ached. He really wasn't in the best place mentally.

Joel noticed me looking at him with sympathy and he got a bit shy, he quickly grabbed his pants and put them on as well as the shirt.

"You don't sleep, you don't eat.. Joel, you can't do this to yourself," I looked at him and I saw that he was displeased with my statement, "Don't even look at me like that, you and I both know how unhealthy it is."

"But I'm no longer your worry," Joel spat out. I let out a loud sigh.

"Are we really gonna do this?"

"Sorry, it's just weird to see you here and scold me. I'm not even sure if I can trust you after you just disappeared," Joel sat on the bed opposite of the chair I was sitting in, and put his hands on his knees, and looked into my eyes.

So it's going to be this kind of night...

"I know that what I did wasn't the best thing but..." I didn't know how to finish this sentence without feeling like a villain, "I couldn't be with you, it wasn't our time. We both needed to focus on our work, and don't tell me that you didn't feel how we drifted apart?"