Trying Your Luck // Joel Hokka

XXI

TW: Sexual content

A while ago... Joel was due home any minute now and I was so nervous that I actually felt like I'm going to throw up. I already have packed some of my things and given them to Alice, because as soon as Joel steps over that door I'm leaving him. I cannot do this to myself or him anymore. We were busy with other things and our relationship just wasn't working out anymore.

I have never felt as nervous as I felt at this moment. I was waiting for the clock to start moving faster, so it would end my agony, but it was quite the opposite, the time seemed to go as slow as possible. I didn't know what I was going to say to him, but I knew that I needed to leave him.

It was a cold March night and I was smoking by the kitchen window wide open. I was dressed in Joel's shirt, I liked to sleep in when he was away. I didn't care that the cold air left goosebumps on my bare tights and forearms. I wasn't feeling much anyway. I tried to catch some sleep, but I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. I spent most of the time tuning from one side to another, every time I turned on my right side I could help but reach out and touch the empty space next to me. I missed having Joel's body pressed against mine, I missed his soft kisses on my shoulder or him tracing tattoos on my arm and back. But I knew that I needed to step down and leave this relationship.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice a key rattling by the front door and my attention suddenly was on the noise by the front door. I put out the cigarette and closed the window. I took a deep breath and walked to greet Joel in the hallway.

Joel opened the front door and he saw me standing there almost naked and a wide smile appeared on his face.

"This is what I call a warm welcome," Joel seemed to be in a really good mood and the guilt was eating me alive. Joel put away his suitcase and backpack next to the hanger and he walked up to me to greet me with a kiss. The kiss was so loving and tender, it felt that Joel was pouring all of his emotions into it and I couldn't help but to answer his kiss. The feeling of his lips crashing on mine felt just right, "I missed you so much."

Joel's words hurt because I knew I was about to break his heart, but his eyes were shining so brightly, there was only pure love and admiration in them, and I could bring myself to say anything, so I pulled him back for another kiss. I wanted to cry because I felt like a villain, but I needed to feel him at least one more time.

"Welcome home," I finally spoke up. I hated myself so much at this moment because I knew that this would be over in just a few moments. I would break his heart, put on the first pair of pants I could find, and walk out of his life.

But Joel seemed to be too happy and excited to see me. My feelings were so puzzled because it just felt amazing having Joel in my arms, all happy and loving. Joel removed his shoes and jacket and he was back in my arms embracing me.

"Are you hungry? Or do you want to take a shower? I can fix something while you shower, " I asked in my usual tone when I was concerned about Joel's well-being. He often forgot to eat, which was a bad habit we both shared, definitely not our worst bas habit, but we both remembered to remind each other to eat. When we both were stuck in a process of writing, the world outside us didn't matter.

"I need a shower, but I need you with me," Joel smiled wickedly and left a trace of kisses down my neck, "I just need to feel you."

Joel's voice was low and seductive. His eyes were full of lust and I saw that he was eager to let his sexual frustration go. If I was a good person, I would have stopped him, but I couldn't. I knew that it was our last night together, even if he didn't, so I let Joel undress me and lead us to the bathroom. I let the water run to warm up and Joel quickly got out of his clothes. His lips were crashing on mine once again and we stepped in the shower. For a while, we both let the water fall down on us, but the lust took us both over and I got down on my knees. Joel was already hard so I pumped his cock a few times before letting my lips wrap around his hardon. Joel let out a moan and threw his head back leaning against the shower wall. He mumbled a few swear words in Finnish and grabbed my hair to control the pace. Joel moved me away from sucking his cock and leaned down to kiss me.