The Batpoint Paradox

An Exercise in Espionage and Exasperation

*Dick

I will not kill my little brothers, I will not kill my little brothers.
I repeat the mantra in my head as I pace the length of the small living room and force myself to refrain from throttling the one currently sulking guiltily in the corner because now I have to come up with a plan to rescue the other one from League custody. God, I swear, after we free Jason I'm breaking out the subcutaneous trackers again and forcing them down both the reckless idiots' throats if I have to, I'm not taking any chances until we get out of this hellhole and safely back in our own timeline where Alfred can give them the proper ass chewing they deserve for doing something so monumentally stupid.
I've about worn a hole in the carpet by the time Tim arrives with the Calvary, aka Kon, Bart and Cassie, which I am quite thankful for. At the moment I'm currently the only bat with authorized Watchtower access, a fact that might actually matter now on account of my brothers dumbassery. Not that I was planning on brining Damien anyways, far too risky, it's a miracle he got out the first time, not that he'll see it that way, the arrogant twerp. I sigh and head towards my room, telling the others to start without me because I've got to get something sorted real quick now that Tim's here. Because someone has to make sure Damien refrains from doing something even more reckless in the two minutes I'll be out of the room gathering supplies to ensure the same thing while we rescue the other idiot.
Once I find what I need I take a moment to punch one of the pillows on my bed in an attempt to relieve myself of some of the growing frustration building under my skin. It helps a little, probably because I pictured Jason's face when I did it, maturity is overrated anyhow.
Feeling marginally better and somewhat more prepared I exit the room and join everyone else at the war table (aka Jason's dingy arts n' crafts folding table).
"Okay, so what are we thinking? Tim I assume you have a plan of some kind by now, actually I assume you've had one since our first week here just in case." I smirk at the little paranoid nut knowing damn well he actually probably does.
Tim's currently ignorant friends all laugh like I'm joking because like everything else about us, they've all forgotten about Timmy's penchant for contingency plans.
Tim either ignores they're laughter or doesn't get what it's for and scoffs at me.
"Don't be dumb Richard, I came up three different variations of contingency plans to break Jason out of league custody the first week after he stopped trying to kill us. By the time we landed here I had hundreds, now I've got one for just about every possible scenario accounting for every potential variable I could think of. You insult me Batman."
I about lose it at the affronted look on Tim's face contrasted with the dumbstruck expressions on the trio of bewildered heroes' faces.
Even Damien takes a break from his sulking long enough to huff out a small laugh, causing me to lose my cool and break out into an eye watering bought of laughter that is further fueled by Tim's expression morphing from indignant to confused.
"What's so funny?" He asks looking legitimately confused.
As I'm too busy laughing Kon attempts to answer him,
"Dude, you're not serious right? Who would ever take the time to plan out that many contingencies for a scenario that may or may not every actually happen? Like that's a joke right? Because why?"
Tim knits his eyebrows in an adorable display of confusion so I decide to help him out, and Damien apparently having the same thought joins in so when Tim answers him we both chime in at the same time.
"Batman." All three of us say at the same time, deserving the name in the same monotone, deadpan tone.
This of course causes me to chuckle some more, before I finally manage to regain my composure, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes and clearing my throat.
While I'm doing that, Conner, Cassie and Bart exchange a glance before Cassie coughs lightly and says,
"Ya'll are freaks, but I guess we knew that already, so lay it on us Timmy, you over prepared weirdo."
"What she said." Bart nods while Conner just shakes his head.
Tim looks hurt for a moment but quickly removes the expression from his face covering it with a determined no-nonsense one.
"Okay, so I already hacked into the League's mainframe right after we got here, let me just pull up the surveillance feed and throw it up on the tv screen...and there..."

...
Two hours later

We all stand around the living room, going over the final touches of the plan and getting ready to leave, except for Damien who is sedated and chained up in the bathtub. The three non-bats had been somewhat alarmed when Damien had suddenly slumped over after I'd seemingly patted his shoulder, then when I started to move him towards the bathroom, Tim appearing behind me holding heavy duty restraints, they looked downright horrified.
"Relax, he'll be fine, it's just a mild sedative, if I didn't knock him out he would have snuck off after we left to do something reckless and more than likely dangerous. He's much safer this way, trust me this is an act of love." I explained.
Tim nodded, "It's true, you know I'm actually surprised he didn't see it coming, he's off his game today."
None of them could manage a response to that so they let us finish restraining our little brother in peace. Once he was secure the rest of us confirmed we knew our parts of the plan before getting on our way.