The Batpoint Paradox

Interlude: Dick and Jay's Coping Mechanisms Narrated by an Exasperated Tim

*Tim

 Dick's not coping well with his husband getting flashpointed back into the closet (I'm making that a thing damnit) and having to witness him in a relationship with their childhood friend, it's been a big giant angst fest in the Budget-Batcave. Really between him and Jason, mint-chip ice cream, beer, social media, Meg Ryan movies, and anything even remotely related to Jane Austin are forever ruined for me. At least demon spawn masks his pain with snark, I can handle that, it's honestly not all that different from the way he acts normally, there really is something to be said for consistency.  What I can't handle is two grown-ass men, two veteran crime fighters who've faced down unspeakable horrors without batting an eye, for lack of a better term, unraveling, all because their formerly perfect love lives are temporarily reduced to flaming dumpster fires. My love life has always been a giant flaming dumpster fire and I manage, obsessively throwing myself into my work and exhausting myself until my body shuts down and I pass out and fall into quiet, peaceful darkness usually works for me. My older brothers, on the other hand, do something else, for instance, the other day I caught Dick in the bathtub, watching Miraculous Ladybug and ugly crying into a half-melted carton of what used to be my favorite ice cream. Meanwhile, Hood started carving faces onto the bullets stashed here by the crime lord Jason, he uses the bullets as dolls so he can make them act out the saddest parts of his favorite novels, he gets really into it too. After witnessing the spectacle for the first time, Damien is for the first time I've ever witnessed, stunned speechless, the whole thing is a veritable gold mine for mockery but the hellspawn (should I stop calling him that....nah) just lets him finish before clapping politely and leaving. An hour later he returns, carrying a large paper bag, he walks right by me to where Jason's drinking on the couch, Emma playing silently on the tv (After the twelfth time in two weeks I rewired the tv to be on permanent mute). Damien stands in front of the couch, looking down at Jason for a moment before dropping the bag on his chest, Jason raises an eyebrow at the scowling man.

"Paints, and brushes, if you're going to artistically repurpose your old bullets, you should do it correctly."

A slow, surprised grin spreads across Jason's face as he takes the bag, already starting to move towards his 'stage' area (an old folding table that he used to clean his guns on-he just does it in the bathroom now) as he sifts through the contents of the bag.

Jason's next show is his best yet, I have to admit it's actually strangely moving, well it was until Dick shows up and gets himself so worked up watching it that he won't stop crying until either the brat or I allow him to use us as human teddy bears. Damien shoots me a look that says 'I did my part, I appeased Todd, Grayson is your responsibility' or something like that. As I try not to suffocate in Dick's octopus hug it occurs to me that it's totally possible that demon spawn did this on purpose, we both know Jason is way easier to handle than Dick "just let me love you" Grayson.

We need to fix this,

Now.