audrey newman
as much as my neighbors showed comfort, i needed to get myself away from reality. mom was in the kitchen cooking up some dinner for tonight, i jumped out of my window like it was last night.
there was our ladder darry lent to mom the other day just in case she wanted to fix or change things up with the house, i pressed it against the side of the house and began climbing my way up to the roof.
sky was beautiful especially during sunset, the way tulsa skies turn from a pigmented blue to a bright faded orange with a tint of pink, blue, and sometimes purple. i used to sit on the curb with a can of pop in my hand, figuring out my future life as in think of what's next to support myself.
i lied flat on the slanted surface, head up high. imagining the sky with faces i've seen before, friends i've dreamt of in a different reality, the boy next door who almost took my virginity.
"i wish pain was a start of something good." i whispered to myself, closing my eyes.
"i do too." a male voice arises, ladder shaking all over the place.
i sat up trying not to lose my balance, soda from below joins me on my meditation. he walked over and sat right next to me with a smile, i gave him the cold shoulder trying to get him to remember last night.
"i know, i know. i wasn't myself last night but that's why i came up here." soda reassured me, i gave him my full attention to hear what he has to say. "sandy got me thinking a lot that i needed something to get my mind off of it, someone i know to trust and maybe a drink."
"but that doesn't fully make up for the fact that we almost did it." i silenced myself, afraid and even ashamed.
"look, i didn't know what went on inside of me but i can guarantee you that it will never happen again with that bullshit." he looked at me truthfully, "just know i'm really sorry for just doing something i didn't know but now know can hurt you."
"i accept your apology." i flashed him a smile.
the ends of my sleeves were gathered by my hands while my blonde braids scattered freely, soda looked like he was trying not to move a muscle while next to me. i don't even think he can forgive himself after last night but i'd do the same if i ever did that to someone i was friends with.
mom came out of the house with a plate of lasagna, still confused about how soda and i got up here. "what the hell are you two kids doing up there?!"
"watching the sunset, mom." i giggled, soda sent the same look to me.
"well dinner's in a few, invite your friends because i got a full plate on me." mom suggested.
soda then got up, "that's my part where i invited the guys, see you soon?"
"yeah." i followed him down.
soda walked off to his place while i climbed back inside my window. i took off the shorts i had on earlier, putting on a pair of jeans to be more formal looking at dinner. one reason i never wore skirts, dresses, or jeans is because i hated how my hips looked in them along with my legs.
i was only a freshman when i started starving myself, mom found me unconscious on the floor of our motel. she had nowhere to go since no clinic was around, my mom drove all the way to the hospital just so i could get some help, took a big toll on our finances but mom had to do everything to make sure i was fine.
"audrey, help me get the table ready!" mom yells.
"be there in a second!" i called back.
i closed the door to my closet and headed to the kitchen where mom handed me a pile full of plates to lay around the table. if there were 7 of them i'd have to have 9 plates around the table, except our dinner table only fits four.
my hands held the remaining 5 plates but i didn't know where the rest would sit, "hey mom!"
"what's up, kid?" she wipes her hands on her apron and attends to my aid.
"there's gonna be 9 of us, we only got 4 plates down." i looked at her.
"it's fine, some can eat on the couch or something, i wouldn't mind." she shrugged.
"whatever you say." i grinned at her before letting the rest of the plates stay on the kitchen counter.
