Being Different

Painstaking Truth

A/N: And one more before I sleep...

Damien learns the cold hard truth about what Randy really thinks...and discovers that there's more than Randy is letting on...

"So, what do you think about this whole situation? I really want to hear your opinion about what I said, about marriage, kids, a family..." I asked as we sat down on one of the stone benches in the garden.

"It sounds fair enough. It's like what your dad said, your body, your choice but to be honest, I don't think I would want kids that soon anyway..." He chuckled.

"Oh yeah, right" I nodded slowly, thinking about what he truly meant by that remark.

"I mean, we're still young plus the fact that you're older than me and we haven't even finished school, training and stuff...It's gonna be pretty hectic..." he added.

"Oh, so you mean...You don't want to have kids now or you don't want ever to have kids with me at all?" I answered, mildly incensed at the implications if it was the latter.

"I just think...Look, we're both young, that's all...Things have changed a lot since we've been together. You've got a brother you never even knew you had, your dad's gonna be head honcho around here. People are gonna look at you differently, treat you differently..." He shrugged.

"I don't think it's really going to change much, Randy. What are you really saying to me? Are you thinking that there could be a remote possibility that we won't stay together?" My throat suddenly felt sore as my chest began to constrict a little.

"I'm just saying...maybe we should cool it for a while. We have lots of stuff we're going through, that's all..." He stood up, his eyes lowering to the grounds around us.

"I see...If something is bothering you, why aren't you telling me? Is it because it's no longer our little secret that I'm who I am? Is it because I have a sibling and I should be bonding with him a bit more? What's up with you all of a sudden?" My voice jacked up the decibels more than usual.

"I don't think I want to have kids with you..." He murmured.

"Ever?" I gasped.

"Ever..." He confirmed.

"Why not?" But he refused to look me in the eyes as I waited for an answer, so I formed my own conclusions that he was having doubts about our relationship going any further in the very near future.

"Fine" I stated.

"You mean, you're okay with it? I just can't picture myself being a dad...yet..." Randy broke off, seeing my intense reaction to his statement.

"Thanks for your opinion. You've more than confirmed my decision..." I backed away from him, turning on my heel as I headed back onto the stone path that led back up to the mansion. I had no intention of having Randy see the flood of tears from my eyes. What he said was very clear to me. He wanted no part of it...of us. I suddenly felt betrayed by our love.

Was it because I had refused to have sex with him out of my own fears? That I was holding back until I felt comfortable to give in to those desires that I so craved? My mind began to race with all the scenarios and the implications of what had transpired between us so far.

I must admit he had some points worth considering though:

Yes, we were both young and obviously had no desire other than to be together at this point for now, which was completely understandable. I had no intention of pushing Randy into something we both did not want or agree upon.

We were both still in high school, about to graduate but still faced extensive training to become proper agents in the field. Bron was now part of my family and I did want to spend more time bonding with my brother.

But deep inside, I sincerely wished that he would want to be a father, eventually. I was willing, literally willing to bear his children if he wanted them. I was ready to sacrifice this part of me although the idea of carrying a kid in my womb for all of nine months which was a long gestation period, terrified the heck out of me, because it meant that the children were ours and symbols of our love.

But if he did not want that, then what could it mean? Could it be that he is afraid of becoming a parent...of being saddled with that responsibility? Here I was, trying desperately to rationalize the truth behind his words and not jump to silly conclusions like some love-struck schoolboy, after all, I was the adult around here.

But yet, the inner turmoil refused to go away and annoyed me to no end. I made a hasty retreat to my bedroom, in order to calm down, but this feeling was not sitting well with me at all, so I decided, against my better judgement to leave the compound alone to think.

I changed into casual clothes: a simple pair of jeans, t-shirt and a nondescript hoodie, grabbed my phone, wallet and a set of keys which led me to my recent birthday present from my father, a red-hot Maserati that sat in the compound's garage, waiting just for me. I felt the desire to be alone with my thoughts on the matter as this was way more complex than I ever imagined.

As I revved up the engine and shifted gears, the compound gates automatically opened, on my voice recognition and I was out. I turned onto the highway, not really caring as to where it led me at the time. I only knew that I needed to get away, as far away as I could from here.

The weather was perfect, neither too cold nor too hot. A soft breeze played with the curls atop my head as my car hugged the highway, leading down towards the sea. The beach was going to be the ideal spot for me to do some serious thinking. I sent an encrypted message to my father letting him know where I was, should he look for me. The last thing I wanted was to worry anyone, let alone my father.

I switched off the engine, making sure the car was securely locked before I made my way down along the sandy path towards the beach area. I kicked off my loafers, carrying them in my hand as I stepped onto the sand bank.

The grainy surface felt great between my toes and under the soles of my feet as I gingerly picked my way to a rock to clamber onto when I heard some soft whispers. Much to my surprise I never expected to see Randy, and it was clear that he was not alone, but with someone else who kind of looked familiar to me, only I could not place her face at the time.

I quickly hid behind a huge boulder, that jutted out towards the sea as I observed them quietly. What shocked me most was how close they both seemed with one another. I wondered what the relationship was between the two.

My suspicions proved correct when Randy reached out, pulling the young, female technician towards him, planting a tender kiss upon her cheek, and an arm around her shoulders. The two disappeared beyond the rocks, heading up a path to some food and beverage kiosks nearby.

I continued to watch as they sat down, chatting away while he ordered two coffees for them both. I wondered how he got here in the first place, since he had no means of transport whatsoever.

Before they both got up as Randy went to throw their coffee cups away, I secretly took a snapshot of the girl on my phone. I desperately needed to know who she was. I continued to observe them as they made their way back to what I presumed was the technician's car, and drove off in direction of the compound.

I instantly logged into The Organization's database for which I had an encrypted key, and searched for the girl among the list of employees under Zack's department and lo and behold, I found her. She bore the same last name to Randy, so that could only mean one thing. She was probably a relative, perhaps a cousin.

But what was she doing here? When Randy was interrogated months back, my father made no mention of other relatives except for Randy's aunt who is now living a life of luxury in a secret location under a new pseudo-persona.

I slipped my feet hastily into my loafers, slid behind the driver's seat and tailed them all the way back to the compound. I turned the corner and waited until they scooted through the West security gate, before I entered via the Eastern gate.

I soon caught up with the car, keeping my distance until she parked near the Tech Lab's entrance, watching as Randy escorted her out of the car. She turned to hug him, her lab coat swinging open to reveal a small but prominent baby bump, which Randy caressed and kissed much to her delight, before he...kissed her fully upon the lips this time. What the HELL was going on???