Being Different

Odds and Ends

A/N: and the dilemma continues - Damien faces difficulties trying to move on...

Damien POV

I groaned, sporting morning wood as I tottered to the bathroom to relieve myself. I no longer peed from my vagina. But my vagina still retained the sexual sensations that would be stimulated during the sexual act, which was interesting since my penis felt equal sensations that would make my orgasms more intense.

I was now getting used to my penis doing this necessary function, since Dr. Akachi made it so. Somehow, he managed to detach and re-attach the channel of the urethra to make this happen, and the fact that I could ejaculate made it even better.

I was astonished to find out that I was fertile on both counts, and had a healthy amount of sperm as well as eggs. In other words, I could have easily fertilized myself if I wanted a kid, but it would have to be done invitro.

I felt horrible. I think it was the cognac. I downed the fiery substance too quickly in my haste to leave Tanner's place. The queasiness in my stomach would not go away. I was feeling miserable for leaving Tanner in the lurch like that. This was not the Damien I knew, as I stared at a bleary-eyed version of myself in the bathroom mirror.

I sucked at this. I honestly did not know the first thing about real relationships at all. My first ever foray ended up with my heart being broken, and this was the last thing that I ever wanted to happen to me again.

I took a quick shower to wash off the weight of melancholy off my shoulders, donned some running pants, a tee-shirt and trainers. I then strapped a slim wallet plus my phone to my arm, inserted a Bluetooth ear-piece in my left ear and was good to go. I needed to just run...run away my sorrow and sadness. Hopefully it would refresh my outlook on things before heading back into The Compound.

Once inside, I would constantly require permission to leave the premises, whether it be of my own volition or to stalk someone while on a mission. I felt tethered to that facility not only due to the fact that my father was now head of The Organization and still active in the field, but he was also my direct boss!

But I also was consciously or sub-consciously avoiding the one person I did not want to have contact with – Randy Crum. I was not reneging on my promise to help look after his son – not at all. But I needed a breather from it all and especially, from him.

I headed out to the boulevard where a neighborhood park was, and just ran around there. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt the presence of other bodies following closely behind me.

"Where have you been? We've been waiting for you to get back!" a familiar voice blurted out, huffing and puffing beside me.

I stopped and turned around to face my fellow joggers. I was attacked in a bear hug from behind by my sibling, Bron as the others threw their arms around us in a group hug. Even ARTURO got in on the action. I could not contain my joy at seeing these guys. They were my anchor, keeping me grounded and sane above all that madness that had ensued.

"Awh, you guys! How long have you been tailing me? You knew I was here all along, didn't you?" I sighed.

"Yep, we sure did!" A deeper voice resounded, and my father, also dressed in running gear accompanied by Bry, loomed up beside us. "Okay guys, let's not create a scene here...keep running!" He commanded, and all of us nodded. The boys went in front with Bry, leaving me to have a private one-on-one with dad.

"Are you okay? Please talk to me" My father threw an arm around me as we slowed down to a walk.

"I'm just...I don't know...I wanted to have some time to myself to think. Eden kept me busy but come nighttime, when I was alone, I couldn't get what happened between us out of my head. Randy's face kept looming up, haunting me! I needed to get him out of my head once and for all, dad..." I shuddered.

"Give it time, Damien. You've got to give yourself time to heal. Look, you don't have to come in right away. Take all the time you need. Besides, you know he's going to be there since his kid's there too, right? So, take it easy, okay? Try not to be too hard on yourself..." He gently squeezed me to him.

"Yeah, you're right. The sick thing was...I tried, dad. I tried and met someone, but, I couldn't go through with it. I failed really badly and I wouldn't blame the guy if he didn't want to talk to me again" I sunk onto a bench, and dad followed, sitting right beside me.

"What happened?" He asked me.

I recounted every little detail from meeting Tanner at this club, going to his place and the almost sexual passage that we went through. My father listened intensely, his face noticeably becoming graver as I continued.

"I realize that I have no clue as to what I'm doing. I need guidance...Randy was the only love relationship I ever had..." I was totally exasperated, burying my face in my palms.

"Calm down, son. What is it you fear the most?" He took a hold of my hand.

"I fear that whomever I decide to hook up with, either casually or eventually in a fulltime relationship, might be turned off by...what I have down there..." I hunched forward; my body language speaking silent volumes of despair and hopelessness.

"Hey, look at me, Damien. Stop this defeatist attitude. You're a fighter. You're the bravest young man I know. Don't let what people may think stop you from what you desire in here. This is what counts...and you've got it all, hear me? As long as you believe, someone will find the beauty in you...and love you as you are..." My father placed his hand gently over my beating heart, then pulled me close to him in an embrace, pecking my cheek lovingly.

Several women walking their dogs stopped to look at us, looking away in disgust. One even had the gumption to remark out loud, "Oh, these gay men all over the place!!! Don't they know to keep such lewd acts private and not to display them in such a public place?"

"EXCUSE ME, MADAM! You have no right to assume anything, and furthermore, there is nothing lewd about what we just did! If you must know, this is my SON!!! And even if he weren't my son, there is nothing WRONG about a public display of affection between lovers!!! Besides, what's the difference between you kissing your boyfriend or husband and me kissing another man???" My father huffed angrily at the women who kept on balking at our public display of affection.

The women scuttled away in fright at my father's harsh tone. But in all honesty, they deserved it. I had been accustomed to such narrow-minded displays as a young man growing up, no thanks to the people who raised me. I shook my head in disgust as they ran away, freaking out as they did.

"Come on, let's chat more over a cup of coffee. I'd like to know more about this Tanner fellow. He sounds like a nice guy...who knows, maybe you can give him a second chance" My father chuckled, as we broke into a light jog in order to catch up to the others.

We met up with the others at the coffee shop nearby, and it felt good to be amongst friends and my beloved sibling. We chatted for a bit, and I went on to inform them that I would spending a bit of time outside of The Compound.

Both my father and Bry insisted, however, that two agents would be discreetly nearby should I require any assistance whatsoever, to which I agreed. They all understood my desire for some breathing space, away from a certain someone for the time-being.

I later went back to my apartment, and fumbling through my jeans pocket, came upon a note from Tanner. He had scribbled his telephone number on it and a sentence saying 'If you ever want to hook up, give me a call' with a smiley face next to it.

I laughed silently to myself, stumbling onto the box seat at the window. Maybe I should give him a call...