Moments I'll Never Confess

Break Up with Your Girlfriend, I'm Bored

You got me some type of way, ain't used to feeling this way. I do not know what to say, but I know I shouldn't think about it.

Saturday evenings in Boston were always busy—whether it be meeting up at the bars or going to a college house party; there was always something going on. Tonight, a bunch of us were going to a frat party that had been planned already for weeks. I was waiting for Emily, Jane, Vinnie and Abby to show up at my dorm because the plan is for us to all walk over to the frat house together.

Jane, Emily, Abby and I were in our last year of college and Vinnie was in her second—so she's been tagging along with us most of the time. We've all known each other since we were kids, but I was closest with Emily. The two of us have been friends since kindergarten. I've known Jane and Abby just as long, but I wasn't as close to them like I was with Emily. Speaking of closeness—I guess I wasn't really the closest one to Emily anymore, though. She and Jane have been dating now for the past eight months and things seemed to be going in a good direction for them.

As much as I loved my best friend and respected her happiness, I was still incredibly jealous over the fact that she was with Jane in that way. The fact of the matter was this—Jane and I haven't really gotten along too well during the past year, we just simply tolerate each other for Emily's sake. Growing up, Jane sort of just picked on all of us—Emily included, and I think I've let those feelings of being bullied by her just linger. I think I was also upset at the fact that Emily just let that blow over and chose to be with her over me.

But technically, that was my own fault. I never made it known that I had a thing for Emily. But damn, do I. And seeing Emily and Jane together has made my blood boil over more times than once and tonight wasn't going to be any exception. Tonight, I was going to let loose and give absolutely no fucks—something I didn't do often. Here's the thing—Emily and I had a very flirtatious friendship. We'd exchange looks, tease each other, and every so often—I've caught Emily checking me out. I honestly figured I didn't need to tell Emily that I was feeling some type of way, but clearly she was oblivious to it all.

I heard a knock on my dorm room door and opened it; there stood the four girls in front of me, all dressed up and ready to go party. Emily especially caught my eye, but seeing Jane clinging onto her shoulder annoyed me. What was especially annoying was the fact that Emily had her arm wrapped around Jane's waist.

"Well, don't you all look nice." I said, smiling at all of them. Fake it til you make it, right?

Took one fucking look at your face, now I wanna know how you taste. Usually don't give it away, but you know I'm out here thinking 'bout it.

I wasn't lying, though—they all looked great, but my eyes were only on Emily. She looked fine tonight—I was attracted and well, I've been in love with Emily for a while, if I'm going to be completely honest. I wanted her, and with everyday she's with Jane—I want her more. She was wearing her black docs, dark blue high waisted jeans and a cropped plaid shirt. I couldn't help but notice her first.

"You look nice, too, Susie." Emily said, and her eyes were scanning me up and down with a small smile on her face. I was in a cream colored v-cut dress that went down to my thigh.

We locked eyes and I nodded my head with a smirk back at her. Jane scoffing broke my eye contact from Emily and I turned my attention to her with the rest of the group.

"You ready to go?" Jane commented flatly.

Emily glanced over at her and then back to me and the other two girls. "Let's get out of here, yeah?"

And with that, we all were off and walking across campus to one of the frat houses. A couple of old friends of ours were part of the fraternity so we were always able to get into these parties easily. We didn't usually stay too long, as they tended to get extremely crazy as the night went on. A lot of the time we'd go for a few hours and then go hang out somewhere else.