Moments I'll Never Confess

'Studying'

Oh—Wednesdays! Wednesday evenings were the time Sue and I would get together to study for Chemistry. We were in our first year of college and this Chemistry course was kicking both of our asses—especially when we had a test at the end of every week based on the materials we had read throughout it.

Sue and I have been best friends since elementary school and of course we decided to follow each other to college. We didn't go far from our home, though. We were attending UMass Amherst together like a lot of the other people we graduated. Some went to Boston... some went to other states, but a lot of us stayed close to home and are going to the college in town.

And though all of us are close enough to commute to school, most of us ended up going into dorms to gain the real college experience.

I made my way across campus to meet Sue at her dorm. She was staying in a single dorm, which was nice because it gave us very little distraction besides each other when we studied. I continued across the common lawn to get to Sue's building when my phone buzzed. I took it out of my pocket and read the text message that came through.

George [6:37 P.M.]
Hey babe, after you're done studying with Sue, you wanna watch a movie in my dorm?

I sighed and locked my phone, throwing it back into my pocket. George was an old friend from high school who was also going to the college. He had been crushing on me for years, so I decided to give him and I a chance. We've been dating for just over two months now. We've kissed and such, but we still haven't taken it all the way. I don't know—a part of me feels nervous because I don't really know what to do, but then another part of me just feels like I don't want to do those types of things with him. I like George, I do—he's a great guy, but something does seem a little off. I was stressing out now and I don't think much studying was going to be going on this evening.

I walked into Sue's dorm building and made my way up to the second floor. When I reached her door, I knocked on it quietly. It didn't take long for Sue to open the door to greet me.

"Hey, Em." She said, a smile on her face. She moved out of the way and gestured for me to come in, "Come on in."

"Hey Susie." I said, walking past her. She could tell I was stressed—Sue knew how to read me like a book.

"Oh no." She said, looking at me—really observing me. "What's going on?"

I sighed, putting my backpack down by her bed before hopping up to sit. I lied my back flat on her bed and sighed again, a groan coming out. "I don't know how I'm feeling about George." I finally said, running my hands through my hair as I looked up at the ceiling. "He wants me to come over and 'watch a movie' after studying but I'm pretty sure that means something else."

Sue chuckled, walking over to her bed. She stood next to it and stared at me, "Well—what are you feeling? Talk to me." She gestured for me to push over on her bed so she could get on. I moved over and she crawled in next to me, also lying flat on her back.

We turned our heads to look at each other—our eyes locking. Sue was so pretty—I always thought so. I could honestly stare at her all day.

"Well..." I started, sighing once more. "I don't know if I really want to keep dating George."

Sue chuckled and shook her head, "Why? Because he wants to have sex with you?"

I scrunched my face at her and laughed, "Look—when I think about sex—George just..."

"Doesn't turn you on?" Sue cut in, raising her eyebrow at me with a smirk on her face.

I chuckled and sighed, "I don't know—I mean, I haven't felt turned on yet, but we also haven't had sex yet."