Moments I'll Never Confess

Twenty-One Questions

It was Friday night, and Sue and I were about to take off from the bar and go back to her place. We were both in our first semester of Grad school while also working full time jobs. Friday evenings were typically the only time we could get together these days because even the weekends were completely swamped with assignments.

Sue has been my best friend for just over ten years now. We met when we were thirteen—she had been the new girl in Amherst, and we quickly became close. The rest is history. Our friendship is different. First, we started out as simply just friends. We got closer with every year that went by and in more recent years, it's felt different—in a good way, of course. I catch Sue looking at me often, finding excuses to have some sort of physical touch—whether it be brushing up against me or holding my hand, or even flirting. We kissed recently—we were both drunk and I think she brushed it off, but it was hard for me to. I felt electricity jolt through my body as our lips hungrily went after each other. It's like they fit together perfectly when we kissed.

The flirting was new, but I liked it. There was a newfound tension between us that I couldn't really explain, but I was a go with the flow kinda gal and that's exactly what I was letting happen. She was exceptionally flirty all evening, too. Sue knows I'm gay—in fact, she was the first person I came out to a few years ago. I've had one girlfriend—lasted a little over a year but have been single for a while now. I couldn't lie, maybe I was crushing on Sue a little bit. There have been moments where the tension's been so high between us that I lose my breath and my vision blurs. These days when I'm alone with her, I just want her lips on mine all the time. That's not too much to ask, is it?

"Let's go, Em." Sue said, taking me by the hand as she pulled me out of the bar chuckling.

We both were a little tipsy—only having a few drinks throughout the few hours we spent at the bar. I was spending the night at Sue's place since she lived closer and it was pushing close to one in the morning. Walking twenty minutes across Boston to get to my place just wasn't in the cards for me this evening.

Sue and I walked back to her place, giggling in conversation, and lingering on each other as we did so. Sue was holding my arm, squeezing it every so often and I liked it. I especially liked when her hand found her way to mine. She's been doing that more often than not lately. I'm good at reading Sue—I know her better than I know anyone else, but I was unsure if this was all just friendly or flirtatious. It felt flirtatious to me so I always tried to test the limits when it came to her.

We arrived at her apartment and made our way up the stairs until we reached her door. She put the key in and unlocked the door, flicking the light on as we entered. We both kicked off our shoes and put our bags down next to her door. She dragged me over to the couch and pulled me down to sit with her.

She let go of me—I could finally breath. She made me nervous in the best way, but it scared me. '

"Are you tired?" She asked as she reached over to grab something off the side table next to the couch.

I followed her hand with my eyes and then looked at her as she turned her gaze back to me. I shook my head, "No, not really."

"Wanna smoke?" She asked, putting a joint to her lips as she sparked it. She didn't wait for my answer because she already knew it.

"Is that even a question?" I said, reaching over as she handed the joint to me after inhaling. I took it from her and put it up to my lips, inhaling and letting it fill my lungs. I let it linger for a moment before exhaling. I inhaled once more and Sue was watching me intently, tugging on her bottom lip slightly. "What are you thinking about, Susie?" I asked, handing the joint back to her.

She shook her head as she took it back and brought it back to her lips. "Nothing really." She said, leaning her head back slightly as she blew the smoke out above her. Her neck... oh, her neck—I craved it. So much for crushing on Sue only a little bit. She continued, inhaling as she raised her eyebrow at me, "You wanna play a game, Dickinson?" She handed the joint back over to me and I took it. There was clear flirtation in her tone—this made me get a little hot.