Moments I'll Never Confess

The Phone Call

It was the middle of the Spring semester, and I was already looking forward to Summer break. I was currently attending NYU and only went back home to Amherst for school breaks. Don't get me wrong, New York is very nice—the city life is as expected, but I do miss my friends that went off somewhere else or stayed closer to home. I've met some great people out here, though—including my boyfriend, Michael.

Things with Michael and I were great, at first, but things lately haven't been been as good as they were when we first started dating. Michael was a good boyfriend—he's kind, shows me he cares and always loves to take me out on dates. The physical intimacy was where things were—not necessarily lacking, but when he talks dirty to me, it was more cringe than anything and, to be quite frank, it was kind of a turn off.

I found this a bit off because when we first started being intimate, I was turned on and didn't find the way he spoke to me in bed cringey. I couldn't pinpoint what was off about it now, but it definitely was throwing me for a loop.

I sighed and laid down flat on my bed, running my fingers through my hair as I stared up at the ceiling. It was pushing 11 P.M. and I was taking a break from studying and was letting my mind wander—thinking about too many things for my brain to handle, but still that one thing in particular with Michael.

I was about to get up and get changed into my pajamas until my phone started buzzing.

Buzz buzz

I picked my phone up and looked at the screen, assuming it was Michael—but I was incredibly pleased to see that my best friend, Emily, was calling. She was attending college in Boston and I hadn't seen her since the winter break back home. She's been my number one ever since I could remember, really.

I hit the green answer button and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hey Em!" I said, happily. "What a nice surprise to see you call—figured you'd been too busy for me. And so late, too." I teased, glancing at the clock next to my bed.

Emily chuckled from the other end, "Too busy for you? Please!"

"Well..." I said, licking my lips while I still stared at the ceiling. "I've barely heard from you the past couple of weeks—was beginning to think you forgot about me."

"The phone is a two way street, Susie. Maybe I've been waiting for you to call me." Emily said, and though I couldn't see her—I know she had a smirk on her face.

Here's the thing—Emily's always had a little crush on me and I knew this before Emily even confessed it to me in the first place. And though I never really reciprocated those feelings back, exactly, there was a strong bond that Emily and I had that I've never had with anyone else.

"I'm sorry," I said finally as I sighed, "Life's been pretty busy as of late."

"Too busy for me?" Emily questioned.

I shook my head and sighed again, "Never too busy for my Emily."

I could hear her chuckle again on the other end and a sigh following, "I just called because I was thinking about you... wanted to catch up."

I smiled at Emily's words. Something inside me always had a soft spot for Emily—maybe more than a friend way—but I never could really tell as I've been in relationships throughout high school and now college.

"Thinking about me, huh?" I teased, my voice low. "Hang on a minute, Em—I'm just changing real fast."

I got up from my bed and put my phone down as I got up to start getting changed. I took my shirt and bra off and threw on a big t-shirt and swapped my jeans with a pair of shorts before lying back down on my bed, taking my phone back in my hand and putting it up to my ear.