Within The Shadows.✅ (WLW)

21 | Choose

"...and then she played the 'what's best for you' card, can you fucking believe it?" Like whom does she think she is? I'm not 17 anymore, I'm 23 years old.

My mum has controlled my life from the moment I was in her home. Whether it was with my clothes or my relationships, my mum had a say about it and I'm quite frankly getting sick and tired of it.

"That's not fair, it's your life and it's your choice.

Your parents, especially your mother can't tell you what to do. It's your wedding Lennie, she had hers. Now it's your turn." I know Ava is right, it's time I take control of my own life.

I have sacrificed too much to please my mother and look where that got me. Getting married to a man I could never love romantically.

"You're right. There is something I need to tell you." I might just tell him seeing as I'm busy with being honest.

"Do you remember the day that I...we uh...separated?" God this is more difficult than I thought. At first, she looked shocked and then an emotion flashed over her face that I can't seem to identify. She just nods.

"Do you remember when we went to Amy's party, where we took that picture on the couch when you kissed me?" I feel a smile creep up on my face, remembering that special moment we shared.

That used to be one of my favorite memories. I remember I had to tell my mom I was helping one of my classmates with maths homework. To this day I can't believe they bought it because I sucked at maths so badly.

"My mom saw that photo and forced me to break up with you. And being under her roof and still needing to depend on them, I did." I say with a tear rolling down my cheek. Ava was just quiet, I can't stand the fact that I hurt her and left her for so many years, wondering why.

"I am sorry for hurting you and never giving you an explanation for so long." Now I'm fully crying. I have hated myself for years, for doing that to Ava. Finally, get that off my chest, feels like the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

Looking at Ava, I don't have any way of reading how she is feeling. Her face is blank, just staring at the distance. "Why didn't you tell me?" Is the first thing she says to me.

Why didn't I tell her? I don't know, maybe I have convinced myself that my parents were right or maybe I didn't want her to feel they were.

"I..." I start but no matter what excuse I come up with, I know it wouldn't justify my actions. "I don't know." That is all I can say. I always hated when someone did something and I asked them why and they would say 'I don't know'. I mean how do you not know why you did something, you did it! You made that decision.

Now, look at me. But I know why I did it, my mother told me to.

"Bullshit! We used to tell each other everything, we could have gotten through it together. You know that, but you chose not to. You chose to break up with me and you chose to hide who you truly are. Well, guess what Mel, you can't hide within the shadows forever!" I can feel the hurt and anger radiating off of Ava while she shouts at me.

"God, don't you think I know that? I have spent the last 5 years hiding who I am, why? Because I decided to be someone my parents wanted me to be. Look where that fucking got me, I'm getting married to a man I can never love and trying to be friends with the woman I will always love. Do you think this is easy for me? Look I get what I did was wrong, but I was a fucking 18-year-old girl trying to get approval from her parents! I made a mistake and I'm sorry, but I have been paying the price for it for the past 5 years, okay, so cut me some fucking slack! You have no idea how it feels to hide who you are; your parents love and accept you no matter what! Mine don't, so put yourself in my shoes and you will see you would have done the same! You would have made the same choice I did!"