It All Started With A Text...

Chapter Sixteen

Not really a big Author's Note, but just letting everyone know that 3 more chapters(I think) until the end, and there will be no sequel. I like how I am finishing this and I feel a sequel will ruin that. 

I also finished my other story today, go check it out!!

Dear Diary,

The past month has been really hard on me. I didn't really realize how much that bullying could effect a single person until it happened to me. I try to hide the fact that I'm constantly upset and feel worthless. 

I just felt like I couldn't do anything anymore. The bullying hasn't stopped, in fact it's gotten so much worse. I'm no longer popular, I ignore everyone at school and just try and get through each day. I'm getting thinner and thinner. 

The bad thing is, I know that it's unhealthy. I just don't have any appetite anymore, and that I think the fat comments got to me and I constantly feel like I'm fat and that I'll never be skinny. I try and force food down when I'm around people so they don't get suspicious, but whenever I do eat I feel sick and like I'm about to throw up.

When cheer ended, I didn't even care. Usually I was really upset, but I just brushed it aside. Dance is almost over, and each practice I just go through the motions, not putting any passion into it. People have noticed I'm not my usual self and tried to talk to me, but I just nodded at whatever they said and left.

I think my parents are getting suspicious, too. Mom asked me yesterday why I was wearing such baggy clothes, and that she was worried about me. The school counselor called her and told her my change of behavior, but I just gave her a tight smile and said I was just really tired.

That wasn't a lie, either. I'm always exhausted and cold. So everyday I have to wear sweatpants and a hoodie, even though it's almost eighty degrees all the time. 

The cyberbullying is getting out of hand. Every day, there's new posts from different people, saying things I can't bear to write down. But it's not nice. I print every single post out and put them in my desk, because I just have this feeling I'm going to need it.

Another shocking thing from me-I haven't been to church in over a month. Mom and Dad don't push me to go, they go by themselves. I think they know something is going on but they know I want to work it out myself.

And originally, I did want to work it out by myself. But I know that I can't do this on my own. So, I think I'm going to tell someone what's going on and at least get their opinion on it. Maybe just one of the dance team girls. I don't know.

I started writing a diary just so I could get my thoughts on paper. It helped, I got some sense, at least in my head, about what I was going through and how I should approach it. Like my diary says, eating wasn't a top priority and I was lucky if I ate once a day. Yeah, it was that bad.

So I asked my mom to let to go to a therapist. Not a doctor, just a therapist that I could talk to. My first appointment was yesterday, this is how it went:

"So, Alex, what exactly is going on?" she asked, looking into my eyes.

I told her the entire story and she listened patiently. "And I just need someone to talk to," I finished, chewing on my bottom lip slightly.

"I understand, have you told anyone else?" 

"No, I can't, they'll think I need help, bad."

The entire appointment was two hours, and it felt really good to talk to someone. Then I called Karla and invited her over. We sort of drifted a bit apart the last month, but we're still best friends. The whole time was really nice, just like old times.