Random Rambles

#39 - That one who filled the abyss

**This friend has decided to remain anonymous**

I have lots of friends, I have always felt happy to be around them, but despite having a lot of friends, deep down, I have felt this kind of emptiness within me, I just felt like, something was missing in my life. I noticed this loneliness ever since the pandemic lockdown, I never talked to my school friends online, only just ask them about homework. So, I decided to find online friends and did find tons, quite a lot, more than 10, but despite that, I still felt the emptiness covered up a little, that emptiness was still there. I thought that maybe a relationship could help, so I did try being in a relationship, I was with a girl from my church for about 3 months, but as the relationship went on, I realised I just don't feel satisfied, I lost interest in the relationship and we broke up. The emptiness still stayed within me.

It was like that until I was on Discord one day, whilst looking for friends online I saw one of the user's profiles, I decided to add them, I was glad when they responded, but I kept that usual thought of just that they would be the usual friend that I'll just on/off chat with, but as we chat, the more we got to know each other, it became apparent that they were a very special person, in a way, even though I never really noticed it. We grew extremely close, very close to the fact people thought we were dating, but we kept within our zone. I never really thought about the friendship much, until recently...

 I had a small argument with my father, and because my exam was postponed, I thought I could have some freedom, but my mom insist I study, and since my mom is strict, I never dare to answer back to her. So I said to my father when my mom was not around, I said "Do I not get to have freedom?", then he just said, "You're on your phone all the time," and blah blah blah, then I said "I use social media all the time is because I have no proper friends IRL, online friends are like my getaway, my company, you go hiking all the time and get to be with your friends, mom always has her colleagues at school, but me? I have none." then I said, "you're lucky to have friends," and I broke down and cried.

That was when I realised how much they(my friend) had filled the emptiness within me, they have sealed that filling I've always longed for, I have grateful about it, I even told them about it, about how much I appreciate them for being them for me, appreciate them for keeping me company. I know they will read this, so...

To you, my dearest bestie, thank you and I love you!