Úlitimas Órdenes del General (GLO)

Kabanata 28

"Anacleto 'Etoy' Enriquez"
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Stella's POV

I ran as fast as I can while I kept on bawling my eyes out. Sobrang hapdi na ng mata ko dahil sa tindi ng pag-iyak ko. I don't know how to stop myself from crying. Ang nagpatigil na lang sa akin ay nang makita ko ang isang lalaking nag-aabang sa daan na pupuntahan ko habang nakatingin sa akin.

Naging dahan dahan ang paglalakad ko habang namumugtong mata ko siyang tinignan. Mabilis naman siyang dumiretso ng tayo at binigyan ako ng malungkot at tipid na ngiti, bago binuksan ang kaniyang mga braso habang naghihintay na lumapit ako sa kan'ya.

I didn't think twice running towards him. I felt the warmth of his tight hug that made me cry again. I let him embraced me while wishing selfishly that he can fade my pain away, just like what Heneral's embrace impact on me.

"Your feelings are valid." Angel whispered as he locked me in his arms. "Don't ever think that it's not.. Stella, nothing is important for us, ikaw lang."

I cried more as he uttered those words. It pains me hearing it from him but I couldn't just walk away because I really really need someone right now.

You know what's funny? The people who have caused me pain are the only people who I can depend and lean on when this kind of shit happens. And you know what's funnier? While I'm thinking that I do not have any other people whom I can run on aside from Heneral, Vicente, and Angel in my life, it made me feel more alone and pathetic.

I can't help but to blame myself for being alone. I can't help but to question my existence and my worth. Why I do not have enough friends around me? Am I that difficult to be with, or be loved?

Hindi naman ako masamang tao, pero bakit kailangan nalang palaging ako 'yong nagdurusa?

My mother left me, I don't have any friends throughout my life, a lot of people hates me, then now, there is someone who wants me dead, but, I still tried my best to be a good person. To always do the right thing and to live righteous. I never made any actions that will harm and hurt others, but why I still have to suffer a lot?

Ako itong mabuting tao, sila ang nawalan ng kagaya ko sa buhay nila, bakit ako pa rin ang kailangan mahirapan? Do I really deserve this?

Fuck.

Kaya ayaw kong nasasaktan eh. Kung saan saan napapadpad ang utak ko. Pain triggers me to think that I am a burden and pain for everyone.

"Do not punish yourself okay? It's... it's..." Humina nang humina ang boses ni Vedasto habang humigpit naman lalo ang yakap niya sa akin. "It's... my fault. All these things are my fault... Nasasaktan ka dahil sa akin... I'm sorry... kasalanan ko. If I could just turn back the time..."

Akala ko tao lang ang nagsisisi sa paglipas ng panahon, pati rin pala ang mga anghel. Gusto kong matawa sa kaisipan na bakit kaya madalas nating hilingin na maibalik ang lumipas na panahon, kung pwede naman tayong magpakatino sa umpisa pa lang?

We should always be aware that chances aren't for everyone and for everything. Hindi lahat ng bagay may chance kang bumawi o itama 'yung mali mo. At kung mayroon man, hindi naman na mababawi ng second chance ang sakit na mararamdaman ng ibang tao sa unang pagkakataon na magkamali ka sa kanila. Kumbaga, the damage has been done. Nangyari na. Wala nang magagawa ang second chance na hihingiin mo. Nadurog na 'yong tao. Kaya dapat sa bawat desisyong gagawin natin, dapat laging sigurado.