Destiny

Chapter 24

I thought I should take Cassandra to a therapist maybe she would open up and feel better. Because it has been a few days since she last came out her room and played the way she used to. I think I should also add Emily she might be getting her father's anger issues and it's bad for a child.

Everyday they will go to therapy sessions separately and talk about their feelings and this will help them be more open and express themselves.

Dr Naidoo said she would do her best to make Cassy open up and be comfortable.
We paid for the first month.

I left them at the clinic and went back to a baby who also needs attention and all the care.

I get home and make myself a cup of tea, while the nanny played with the baby I took a small nap on the couch.

....
I woke to me being in Matthew's arms going to my room. I quickly reacted and he put me down to walk.

" What time is it ?" I asked him

" It's half past eight."

" What , oh shoot?"

" I fetched them , he is asleep and she is gone "

" Ou thank you so much. I mean is Cassandra okay? What did Dr Naidoo say?"

" Yea she is looking a bit better, Dr Naidoo said that she is traumatized by the incident but is opening up slowly, but faster than usual as a child."

He held my hands again. And told me everything was going to be okay. I wanted to believe him but I don't know how to. Everything is so hard to deal with. It's all messing with my head.

I hugged him tightly I really needed this someone to just be there helping me and going on this road with me.

" Have you forgiven me ? " He suddenly asks

" Uhm , yes I have long time , but Matthew listen_" he cuts me off

" I know , you don't know if you could ever be with me again. I know I've hurt you so much that you now don't trust me enough to give this another try. I can understand"

I smiled at him , but felt really bad.

" But please give me some time maybe I could change my mind. " I said and went to check the children.

I called Victoria and talked to her about everything. She gave me advice and guidance. She said she would come over this weekend to just see me and the children. She was also super excited to see Dylan.

After a while our friendship group was flowing with long concerned messages. I knew that Victoria wouldn't keep it to herself. But I didn't mind because they are all my friends. Victoria always had a soft spot in my heart, she has also been through a lot to get where she is right now. Maybe worse than me.

I tucked in both Emily and Cassandra. I went to the kitchen and made two baby bottles of milk knowing that Dylan is going to wake up and want to drink in the middle of the night.

I feel safer with Him sleeping best to me so that I can keep a close eye on him cause he tends to have little fits. I need to take him to a neurologist because it's dangerous for babies to have epilepsy. I also made myself a little snack , that I will eat while doing some office work and watch a movie or something to bore myself to sleep.
Insomnia hits harder when I really need and want to sleep.

I video called all my friends and we talked for a while about the situation of me. Most say I should go back the rest say it's not a good idea. Victoria says I must listen to my heart and right now my heart is signing useless songs or maybe it's a sigh??

I can't , I just can't see myself with Matthew again. I mean all the children need a father figure but the father doesn't necessarily have to be dating or married to the mother. I know I've been single for years now but really and honestly I don't think I can love him the right way. All I will see is a man who used to be the devil himself.

" Come on Bell don't be so harsh the man has changed you can see that yourself. Why don't you give him a chance if it doesn't work let him go!!" Leah said

" You are saying this because you haven't lived my trauma Lee"

" Bell listen!! Babes I don't want you to be crying again because you have been hurt again okay. Find someone who will make you happy and feel safe around him. I was there to witness all your trauma I suggest you stay away please." Christina said

She is being honest. I can't go back.

" Follow what your heart wants " victoria says

" Keep your legs closed bitch!! " Victor says.

I know who to listen to. My gut how do I feel? To be or not to be?

I ate my snacks and just them Dylan woke up crying. I picked him up and first kept him quiet , then fed him his bottle he has Beautiful hazel eyes like his mother and very curly hair like his father. He also had the same skin tone as my Emily and Cassandra. Mixed race tanned skin.

Small Dylan finish his bottle and fell asleep once he burbed.
I also started swaying into sleep with my laptop playing some sleeping sounds. Yes!! Insomnia is that bad for me I can't sleep without music or something in the background.

I felt myself falling into the slumber .
I said a little prayer in my heart and allowed myself to sleep.
.....