"I'm so stupid! I'm so stupid! Why did I act that way!? He must think I'm a total moron!" I kept repeating to myself. I was so embarrassed. Why couldn't I get my words together?
The whole conversation kept getting repeated inside my mind. I was totally fine before I bumped into him. He made me so nervous, I lost my words. Now my hands were all sweaty. Why!?
I rushed home and went straight to my bedroom, switched on my computer and started Googling:
Why does he make me nervous when he talks to me?
What does it mean if my hands are sweaty after talking to a guy?
What does it mean when I keep thinking about him when I've only met him once?
(In hindsight, they were stupid questions. It was pretty obvious now that I think about it. Then again, I was only in middle school. Perhaps a bit much to expect myself to fully understand)
Anyway, I was quite horrified with the results that Google brought up. Pretty much to the point of denial. It kept coming up with girls magazines and blogs talking about my symptoms, but they all seemed to come to the same conclusion:
You have a crush on him
You fancy him
It could be love at first sight
Instant attraction
Those words just floated above my head. I couldn't accept nor understand them. There had to be another explanation. I'm straight. Those Google results were for girls. They don't apply to boys. "I'm only 12! They don't apply to me..."
They don't apply to me
They don't apply to me
They don't apply to me
"No! They don't! Stick to the plan, idiot!" is what I shouted to myself as I lunged off my desk chair and landed face first onto my bed. I just wasn't going to think about it and not deal with it at all.
That seemed so easy to say. Actually doing it was a different story.
The next morning started like it would any other time. An annoyingly early start, with lots of groaning and mumbling as I forced myself out of bed to get ready. The usual routine of breakfast, the morning news on TV depressing us all to no end and my mum seeing me off as I leave for school.
Nothing remarkably different from yesterday. I put my earphones on and started my walk. Of course, as the crossing was in my line of sight, I could feel the nervousness wash over me. The butterflies in my stomach had returned, but I was determined not to let it bother me. This person is just, well, a person. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to make me nervous. I couldn't be distracted. Today was an important day. I had my tryouts for Volleyball. I really wanted to make it. I wasn't sporty or physically fit to start with. However, I wanted that to change. I wanted to be a new person, and this was meant to be a stepping stone.
The start of my journey. I had it all planned out. I knew that I would not have a significant role in the Volleyball team because I was just starting out, but the hope would be that in Middle School, I'd train, get fitter, get better so, that when I started High School, I'd have a chance at playing for the team. On top of that, get good grades, be popular and perhaps, most of all, attract the girls. I yearned to be a shining star.
I reached the crossing at Anamoriinari Station and right on cue, the warning lights were flashing and warning bell was sounding, bringing everyone to a halt. The same salaryman from yesterday was also there but of course, I learned my lesson and didn't make conversation, but, looking across the crossing, without a hint of surprise, was him. He was already staring right at me when I locked eyes on him. His smile beamed like a shining light at me. I couldn't look away. Completely hypnotised. My head felt fuzzy. My body went numb. I could hear my heart thumping fast in my chest. What was this strange power that he had over me? I couldn't figure it out.
He waved quite energetically at me. He seemed quite pleased to see me. Although I had no idea why.
Me, however, a complete nervous wreck. Very shakily raising my hand to wave back and putting every effort into cracking a smile without it looking weird.
Quite unsurprisingly, I failed in that attempt. Although, he found it hilarious. It actually made me laugh too. The other pedestrians looked at us with raised eyebrows as we laughed at each other from opposite ends of the crossing. It very suddenly calmed me down, although the speeding express train certainly gave me a reprieve to collect myself.
After the train became a distant sound, the warning sound stopped, the warning lights ceased and the barriers were raised. Everyone started to move and continue their morning commute. Him and I, however, were not going at the same pace as everyone else. We were clearly on a collision course with each other, our gaze not wavering from each other.
Almost in complete sync, we stopped in the middle of the crossing. For me, the surroundings became a blur, the other pedestrians hazily walking by.
We didn't say anything. We just stared at each other, his smile unwavering.
"So, how are you?" He asked.
"Yeah...I'm...I'm good. How are you?" I responded.
"I'm fine." He smiled. "Looking forward to day 2 of Middle School?"
"Oh yeah! Bursting with excitement!" I said with complete sarcasm.
He laughed. He had a cute laugh. Couldn't help but smile.
"Well, I've actually got Volleyball tryouts after school."
"Oh wow, that's fantastic!" He cheered. "I wish you luck with it. And hey, if you get in, let me know. I've been playing Volleyball since I was young so, I'm happy to help you if you need it!"
"Wow! That's so great. Thank you so much!" I answered finally being able to make a stable smile.
We just stared at each other. We couldn't really seem to have a proper conversation. Although, that was probably my fault. Never had good conversation skills. Despite attempts, I could never find the words.
"Right, well, I better get going. Don't want to be late." He eventually said. "Good luck with the trial! Be sure to tell me how it goes."
"Yes, I will. Thanks!" I replied before we both walked in our own directions.
My heart was still racing, my stomach was still full of butterflies, my hands were all sweaty again. I thought back to the Google results from the night before. I actually started to question whether they actually could apply to me too, despite my own objections. However, I still didn't understand. I was too young to understand. I felt the way I felt, but couldn't voice it.
Regardless, I had to think about my day, and think about the Volleyball tryouts. That had to take priority in order for me to start achieving my goals.
No distractions...
YOU ARE READING
When We Crossed Paths
Teen FictionThis story follows Yamashita Hideki as he tells you about something that happened a few years ago. It was something that changed his world forever. Listen as he tells you his story in the hopes that you will heed his words and why you should never l...
