When We Crossed Paths

Chapter Fifteen: A Day I Wish I Could...

What can I say? That day...really didn't go as I thought. I didn't, in my wildest thoughts, believe that such events would occur. I was outed, humiliated, and socially isolated by my peers. All in one day. Quite heavy I'd say.

The worst thing though...was Nishimura finding out. I knew I had to take a portion of the blame. I should have told him sooner. Much sooner. Of course he was hurt by how he found out. He had a right to know. I lied to him. He no doubt felt humiliated that day as well. I honestly couldn't believe that Shitte held such a grudge. I think that was the first time I experienced how cruel people can be.

After I watched Nishimura walk away. I just stood there. Frozen. People were staring and whispering. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I seriously wanted to die. Shizuka was speechless. She wasn't able to come up with anything to say. I wouldn't have listened, anyway. I was emotionally gone. I just...started walking.

I wasn't ready to go home. Luckily my parents weren't home, so I just walked. I wasn't even thinking anything. I was an empty shell, wandering the streets.

The rain had started to fall. It didn't make a difference to me. The raindrops hitting my head were the only things I could feel. It was as though...they were reminding me I was still alive. My clothes had become drenched. Heavy from absorbing the rain. I still didn't care. My heavy clothes matched my heavy heart.

I had no idea what I was going to do. I lost my best friend. I lost my credibility at school. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to face my classmates on Monday. I think if I felt any worse, I could've just ended it but...I knew that I didn't want to do that. I wanted to run away though. Leave everything behind. But, I knew that that option was not credible either.

I did eventually decide to go home. I was getting tired and the cold rain was giving me a runny nose.

This whole day was just...surreal. A complete, utter nightmare.

No words...no words are strong enough to describe fully how I felt that day. It's still extremely difficult talking about it now but, I feel that it is important to share this with you. So, you understand.

I just...hmm...actually, I don't know. On the one hand, I would be happy to forget about all this and have no memories of it. However, on the other hand, it's an important lesson for me to remember. It was an experience that has helped make me who I am now.

Oh! Who am I kidding!? I'd rather forget. That day was the most painful experience I've ever had. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

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I arrived home. Drenched by the rain. My face a mixture of rain and tear stained. I was at the end of my rope. I was at my limit. I walked through the front door, closed the door behind me, dropped my bag to the floor, and started to cry again. I was surprised I was still able to cry. I thought there was nothing left. I was far gone. I wanted to just die right there. My brain was fuzzy, my eyes were blurry, I was heavy from the rain. All I wanted to do now was crawl into my bed, curl up in the covers and stay there.

That was the plan until there was a knock at the door.

*Knock Knock*

I initially ignored it. I didn't want to see or speak to anybody. Not while I was feeling the way I was feeling. Plus, I looked a mess.

*Knock Knock*

I remained still. Didn't want to make any noise to make it sound like someone was home. Very still. Very quiet. They would go away.

*Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock*

They were relentless. It was annoying. I remember clenching my fists. My plan to be alone was ruined.

I growled, turned round to open the door. I was in no mood for politeness...

"WHA...t..." I half shouted as I swung open the door to find someone I didn't expect standing there.

"Nishimura..." I said somewhat calmly.

"Yamashita..." He said solemnly.

What was he doing here?

"I need to confirm something..." He said calmly.

"What is it!?" I replied.

"Are you sure you're gay?" He asked with quite a serious look on his face.

I paused. I found it quite a strange question. Was he not there? Was he not listening? The humiliating scene I went through and he comes to my house and asks that question. I was completely dumbfounded. It actually got me a little angry.

"Yes! I'm sure I'm gay! I went through a lot of emotional anguish to understand and accept that!" I responded quite bluntly.

"I see..." He said looking down at his feet. "And...are you sure you're definitely in love with me?"

WHAT!? Was he for real!? Was he seriously trying to piss me off or something!?

"Are you serious!?" I exclaimed which made him look up. "Were you not there!? Were you not listening while I was humiliated!? Were you not paying attention when I confessed how I felt!? YES! I'm sure I'm in love with you! You're the first boy I ever loved! And to be honest, and I know this sounds pretty cliché, but, I'm pretty sure you're the only boy I'll love..."

I went from depressed to angry in 0.02 seconds. At that moment, I was irritated that not only was I humiliated but the fact that he had the audacity to quiz me further on it.

"...I mean seriously! What else..."

Suddenly there was silence.

I didn't know how to feel.

His lips were so soft. His hands were cupping my face. The heat from them was resonating through my face. My heart was racing. Thumping like crazy. I could hear myself whimper. An involuntary tear was running down my cheek, and I felt it envelop our top lips. A minor insignificance in what should be a major moment. My anger completely swept away.

It was weird. I had been wanting, dreaming of the moment we kissed, but I stupidly wanted it to happen in less of an...uhm...angry moment. Love is not straight forward. But, of course, despite this happening...I need answers as to how we went from him walking away in mysterious circumstances to him appearing at my door and kissing me.

Oh! Let's face it! I retract my earlier statement. I did know how I felt. Everything I was feeling was confirmed in that moment. That kiss made me fall in love with him even more.

I love him...

This was...

A day I wish I could...