When We Crossed Paths

Chapter Nineteen: He Won't Tell Me...

Things had been like a dream. Asahi was just a constant surprise. I mean, he'd always been like that but even more so now that we were a couple. I must've looked like an utter weirdo with the constant smile on my face. My Mum would comment but of course I wouldn't tell her why. I still wasn't ready to go down that road with her.

My classmates...well, some were still avoiding me. The boys more than the girls. Suppose the girls wouldn't feel threatened by me. The boys thinking I'd turn them gay if they spoke to me. Not that I cared. I was never close to any of them anyway so, there was no love lost. Volleyball was a bit awkward if nothing else. We still trained as normal but the team still felt a bit awkward. Although, it seemed to be "all business on the court". Again, I wasn't that completely bothered.

There was just one thing that bothered me though. While everything between me and Asahi were amazing. I knew things weren't good for him at home. I could just sense it. But, he would always deny it or just say "it's nothing to worry about." However, I knew that he was lying. He would always put on a brave face. I knew it was because he didn't want to worry me but it was clearly causing personal distress.

His parents were upset, to put it mildly, that he went against their wishes. They wanted him to continue dating Akamori, marry her and have beautiful children. Him breaking up with her put a spanner in the works. It completely disrupted their plans for him.

I did wander though...he said he was going to accept his fate if nothing happened between us. Would he honestly have continued to date her? Would he really have married her? Would he seriously have had children with her?

I'm not really sure why that bothered me. I mean...I totally understood. It must be really hard being in that situation. And there will be countless examples of gay men having to marry women and have children. And the emotional distress it would cause them. Let alone the emotional burden that the women go through when they know that their husbands don't truly love them for that reason. It's awful for both sides.

I still can't imagine it.

I was worried that he might had been having second thoughts. Maybe this wasn't worth the turmoil. Wasn't worth the hell he was going through.
I'd be heartbroken if that happened, of course, and I honestly think I could've just died.

But...I don't think I'd stop him. I know that sounds a bit cruel but he has to do what's right for him. I wouldn't make him feel guilty. I wouldn't hate him. I'd only have understanding. This is absolutely not what I'd want! I want to make that clear. But when someone is going through something like this, you have to accept that they have to think carefully. You have to accept that they will probably have doubts. They have a lot more to lose than you. He had a lot more to lose than me.

I had no idea how my own parents would react but compared to Asahi, I felt my odds were better. And that was a horrible feeling.

I knew I was going to have to have a serious conversation with him. I didn't want to break the honeymoon period we were clearly in but I felt that this conversation couldn't be delayed. I needed to make sure that he was happy with his choice. That he wasn't doing this to dig his heels in.

That was a bad way of putting it. I knew that wasn't really the case. He wouldn't do that if he didn't feel the way he felt. Maybe I was being selfish. Maybe this was for my own vanity. Maybe asking him would upset him.

I hated this. I hated that this dark cloud was hovering over us.

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It was a brisk Sunday morning. I was heading to Asahi's house. He invited me over to watch something. I was actually pretty nervous. I had been to his house before...as friends. I had met his parents before...as his friend. This was different (obviously!). Well...different for me. Not for them. They don't know any different. They just think I'm their son's friend, and I get the impression that they like me. Just wished that could've been transferred to liking their son's boyfriend.