When We Crossed Paths

Chapter Sixteen: Questions

I just...loved how he kissed. It was so...it made me feel weak. I wanted it to go on forever. But...despite how wonderful it felt, there were still unanswered questions. I needed to know why he was here, why he kissed me. In fact, I needed to know why he just walked away. I just needed to pull away from the kiss. That amazing kiss.

Pull away. Come on! Pull way.

"...w...w-wait..." I whispered lightly pulling away (eventually).

"What's wrong?" He asked. Looking into my eyes.

"I just...why are you here?" I asked, moving his hands away from my face.

"Huh?" He grunted, looking a little confused.

"I mean...you just walked away. You couldn't even look at me. And when you did, it was a look of disappointment and distain. I felt...lost. And then you randomly turn up at my house without a proper explanation and you just kiss me. Why did you just walk away? Why are you here now? Why did you kiss me? Oh and yeah! What about Akamori? The smart and pretty girl you'd been flirting with. What's happening with her!?" - that was exhausting. Strange how I went from a feeling of melted butter to sour cream. My emotions were all over the place. I couldn't keep my thoughts straight.

He didn't answer me right away. He had a puppy dog look. I wasn't sure. Maybe he felt bad that he did that. Part of me was annoyed that I brought up Akamori. I felt I ruined the moment but...

"Well..." He finally started. "...the truth is...I've felt the same way for a long time..."

He did!? "You have!?" I responded.

"When uhm...I first saw you at the crossing. That moment when we just stared at each other. I just...felt something. I tried to immediately shake it off but, I don't know...I wasn't sure but I knew I needed to see you again. Then, when you crashed into me that day, all those years ago, I felt an instant connection. And that's when I knew..."

"You knew you...felt that way...and what that meant...this whole time...that quickly..." I interrupted.

"I know that it sounds crazy and completely irrational but... I knew I was in love..." He responded. "...I had already accepted that I liked guys. Although, I hadn't figured out how I felt about girls. I decided that I'd just see what happens..."

I just nodded. Didn't say a word. There wasn't anything to say. He had already figured most things out before I even accepted who I was.

"...the deal with Akamori. Well... she is the daughter from a 'good' family. Our parents really want us to be together. I think they've spoke about marriage...honestly...this wasn't something I wanted. They don't really care what her and I think. Well, my dad doesn't anyway. Not really sure what my mum thinks. I had resisted for a while but I thought that nothing was ever going to happen between us so, I caved into the pressure and agreed on a date. We just went for lunch. She's nice. And she is pretty and smart. I decided that I was just going to accept my fate and see what happens..."

I was stunned while he told me all that. I never would've imagined that explanation. I mean...it's not completely uncommon for parents to do this but I always thought that it was a practice on the way out. I don't think my parents would ever do that. I hope they'd never do that. He looked so sad. It must have been awful going through all that.

"...when you were acting strange and refusing to see me. I thought...maybe you figured out how I felt and thought I was a freak or something. I panicked, but I was determined I wasn't giving up. I couldn't give up. Despite everything, despite Akamori. I needed to try. So, when I turned up to your school in the hopes of meeting you...those two idiots saw me and started saying all this stuff about you being gay and you being in love with me and how I should get away from you so others didn't think I was gay..."

"Bastards!" I blurted out. He started to chuckle.

"I don't think I've ever seen you swear like that before. It's hilarious..."

I just rolled my eyes. Maybe chuckled as well.

That caused the mood to lighten a little bit, but still had a heavy cloud hanging over us.

"...anyway...I was a little annoyed and upset. If it was true, I was upset for finding out that way. But I couldn't help but feel happy inside. I was really hoping it was true. Then, when you confessed. I was still annoyed of finding out that way but still happy, I could've just kissed you right there and then. But then I thought about Akamori. I want us to start off on the right foot and I needed to tell Akamori that nothing more was going to happen. I didn't want our first kiss to be overshadowed by her. I wanted no loose ends..."

"You...did that...for me? But are you sure? Are you sure about all this? Are you sure of the consequences of all this? Am I really that worth it to you?" I asked trying not to cry. I was all over the place. It sounded like I was trying to talk him out of it, but I really wasn't. I just, I don't know...wanted confirmation.

"I love you, Hideki!" He declared. Tears beginning to run down his face.

I stood there. Numb. I heard the words I prayed to hear. The words I thought I'd never hear. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hold back my own tears. "I love you too, Asahi!"

We fell into each others arms. He squeezed me tight. We just...cried in each others arms. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he felt the same way all this time. He loved me. He "broke-up" with the girl his parents wanted him to marry for me. But... I started to think about what his parents would say. They clearly wouldn't be happy about it.

"Asahi..." I said lightly pulling away again. I looked down. I didn't really want to look at him when I asked. This was a very hard moment for him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Uhm...aren't your parents going to be really mad?" I asked.

"Yes..." He said quite solemnly. "...but I don't care."

"Really?" I replied.

"Yeah. I don't want to be forced into a relationship because of my parents. And I don't want to be forced to marry a girl I don't love..." - he put his hands on my cheeks and lifted my face to look at his.

"I want you. You're the one I want to be with. You're the one I love."

I looked deep into his sapphire blue eyes. His beautiful eyes. I could see his soul.

He leaned down and kissed my lips. It was the best feeling in the world. I could kiss him forever.

In that moment. I was the happiest I ever thought I could be.

I felt euphoric. I felt high above the clouds.

But I also felt conflicted. I had no idea how my parents would react to this. I wasn't ready to tell them anyway, but I knew it would come up eventually. As for his parents...well...they'll be pissed. They certainly wouldn't like me that was for sure.

Then again...I told myself not to worry. Not to care. There were more important things going on. And this very moment was one of them. I felt a huge weight had been lifted. This awful secret that I'd been hiding all those years. The emotional pain I had been feeling. All washed away. Part of me wished...that I had confessed sooner. Then again, the wonders of hindsight, eh?

I stopped worrying about facing my classmates on Monday. I didn't care anymore. The only person I cared about was Nishi...uhm...Asahi. I suppose it's a first name basis now.

I didn't lose him and that's all that mattered. I knew things were going to get more difficult from here, but I was willing to face those challenges. As long as I had Asahi by my side, no challenge would be too big. We could face them together.

I just kept thinking to myself and smiling in my heart:

I love him and he loves me.

I love him and he loves me.

And he loves me.

He loves me.

Repeating that nice thought in my head over and over. Until...
Holy shit!

Is he my boyfriend now!?