The shadow Hunter

chapter 57

I sat at the small table in the static home. It was scattered with empty bottles of beer, cider, liquor. Tubs of pills lay on it, some empty, some only half empty. Old dried up spliffs, a rolled up note, a light dusting of a white powder. Fake ids with various names and newspaper clippings. Behind me on the wall were pictures. 6 in total. 4 were crossed off with red marker. The first picture was of a man, Constantin von Strucker. The head scientist at HYDRA who had experimented on me. The one who had known Dreykov. The one who took me from Manhattan and turned me into something less human than I had already been.

I stayed with Yelena for 6 months. The first thing i did was chop my hair shoulder length and dye it black. Now it was ratty, my natural coloring creeping through the top, tangling with the dye. I don't know why i even bothered to try and escape my self, changing my appearance wasn't going to help that. I went to a bar one night, desperate for a drink. That's where i met Pedro, although i doubt that was his real name, but the familiarity of the name, so close to Pietro, made me listen. He bought me a drink, and then another and another. I told him about my life, everything, every single detail because i knew we were both too drunk to remember it in the morning. And when we stumbled out the bar, our lips locked together, i thought it would make me feel something, but it didn't. If anything it made the pain sitting at the bottom of my stomach jump up. 

He pulled me down a dark alley and i pulled away. "I need to go." I told him. I went to leave but he grabbed my hand, pulling me back towards him. "Don't leave now, the fun's just about to start." He told me with a sly smile. I shook my hand from his grip. "No it's stopping now." I snapped. His eyes went dark and his smile disappeared. "No your going to stay." He said forcefully. His hands travelled fast around my body. I punched him in the nose and he groaned as he cupped it. "You little Suka!" He snarled at me. He slapped me hard across the face but i barely flinched. I kicked him hard in the stomach and he fell to the ground defenseless. He had no idea what he had ignited in me. He smirked as he lifted his head and sat up. "Baby, don't be stupid." He said calmly. "I'm never stupid." I laughed.

 The switch flipped. My hand flew to my waist band and clasped metal. I held the gun in front of me and he stumbled backwards on his hands, seeing fear in his face for the first time. I pulled the trigger with out blinking an eye. Blood spilled on the ground as he body became limp. I walked over to his body and crouched beside him. "Scum." I muttered. I took his jacket and burned it later, any trace of me on him gone. I left him there to bleed out and left before anyone came outside to see what the noise had been. No one saw me and everyone in the bar was too drunk or simply didn't care to remember what girl had been spotted leaving with him. 

I got home to Yelena early the next morning. "Where were you?" She asked as i walked through the door. "At the bar." I told her. She narrowed her eyes at me. I started to grab my things and stuff it into my bag. "What are you doing?" She asked, following me around the apartment. "I have to leave." I told her. I didn't want to, it would be reluctantly. Leaving Yelena felt like leaving my last hope. But it wasn't safe for me anymore. "Why? What have you done?" She asked gravely. "Nothing, i just...i just can't stay here." I told her. She looked at me, and after a while, she nodded. "Ok, i have a place you can stay if you need. It's hidden away in the middle of nowhere." She looked at me and in her eyes I saw disappointment, regret, sorrow and a loss of hope. Everything I saw in myself reflected right back at me. "Are you going to be ok, Clara?" She asked suddenly, with a desperation. I nodded. "I'm always ok." She hugged me tightly and I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to leave her but I knew I had to. I knew I was too late. So that's how i ended up in the run down static home in the middle of the forests at the edge of the town.

I didn't regret killing that man. Who knows what he would have done to others if i let him live. But i remembered the feeling it brought me, killing him, the numbness. For once my mind had been completely clear. Not even drugs or alcohol hadn't been able to achieve that level of nothingness. The switch in me had been flipped and it had jammed in place. I urged for the feeling again and so i started to make a list.