The shadow Hunter

chapter 45

I never understood why birthdays were such a big deal- why people had such big celebrations. I didn't understand why being a year older was something to celebrate. What changes during the night when you go from being 17 to 18? I felt like I was waiting for something to happen- a grand revelation when the clock ticked to midnight. But what was the real difference between being 17 and 18. You couldn't do anything that you couldn't do before apart from vote. But even then, what made an 18 year old good enough to vote and not a 17 year old? 

This is what I wondered as a sat on the edge of my bed at 11.59 pm on the 16th of September. The second hand ticked along, it seemed it was gaining speed. And then it was midnight. The 17th of September. My 18th birthday. The big '12:00am' on the control panels were the marker of my adulthood. I had been dreading this day. And not because I was scared of getting older but because I was an adult. Adults are sensible and responsible. Adults are reliable. Adults know who they are. I didn't know who I was as an adult. Before, I had been a child. As much as I hated being referred to as a child, the label making me feel like that little girl in the red room alone and crying. Being a child had been a shield- a child was learning and developing- no one blamed a child for their mistakes. But as a child people had blamed me and now as an adult they would only blame me more.

Last year there had been a party and a cake and guests. This year there was just me, Tony and Pepper. I almost laughed at my longing for a repeat of the previous year's celebrations, despite the opposition I had held. I longed for a sense of freedom, for anything that meant I could escape the four walls of my room. The same four walls I had once found brought a welcomed solitary, i now begged for something more. Still, despite my confinement to Stark tower, Tony still tried to make something of the day.

The moment I walked down into the kitchen I was met by the sweet smell of pancakes. "Happy birthday Clara!" Pepper chimed, stood behind the stove as she flipped a pancake onto a plate. She brought over juice and coffee and a tall stack of pancakes drenched in maple syrup. Tony looked up from his newspaper. "18 hey? Big number." He said.  "Not in the grand scheme of things." And it wasn't. Turning 18 wasn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but the idea made me feel sick. I sat down at the table and took a bite into the stack of pancakes. With the taste came the reminder of days long ago. Days in my childhood, when I wasn't the adult I was now. The lightness of life, the naivety and care free feeling that had come with being a child. My mother, her red lips stretched in a smile as she served up pancakes every year for my birthday. The first 8. Only the first 8. And now as i turned 18 years old, I chewed the pancakes with a different feeling. Not one of lightness of naivety or that care free feeling. After all I was a girl who had seen too much of the world. 

"Come on, I have something to show you." Tony declared, jumping up from the kitchen table. The pancakes had been eaten, the orange juice drank and now Pepper cleared the plates. "What is it?" I asked, apprehensively. Tony rolled his eyes, "Just come on." And so I followed him into the elevator. We went all the way down to the garage, a large 100 by 40 feet space filled with Tony's cars- vintage and technologically advanced- motorbikes and limos. But right in the middle of the garage was a shiny new car i hadn't seen before. This wouldn't be unusual as Tony has too many cars for me to keep track of, but this one had a large white bow tied around the bonnet. A vintage red ford mustang, the type you saw in old films. Inside I could see the seats were made of a black leather.

"You like it?" Tony asked expectantly because who wouldn't like a brand new ford mustang. "It's a car." I said simply. "Well you're 18 now and with no car." He said, walking up to the vehicle and running his hand over the gleaming cherry metal. "Lots of 18 year old's don't have cars." I said and Tony frowned. "Do you not like it?" He asked. I shook my head quickly. It was a beautiful car, gleaming. "I don't have a license." I told him although that didn't mean I didn't know how to drive. Tony shrugged, now opening the door to the drivers seat. "You can take a test." He said. "Once I'm allowed out." I finished his sentence for him. Because I couldn't even drive this car for another two years. And I wondered why Tony would buy a car I couldn't drive, the freedom he thought he was giving me was pointless because I couldn't exercise the freedom.