The shadow Hunter

chapter 65

"Clint, where is Nat?" I repeated, everyone's smiles quickly fading. Clint looked down at the floor with a numbed look on his face. He shook his head. The room was so silent you could hear everybody's heartbeats; except mine because it had stopped. My head screamed her name repeatedly. "What happened?" Bruce asked with a choked voice. I didn't want to stick around to find out. I jumped down from the platform and ran as fast as I could; when I got outside I didn't stop. I kept running and running- past the lake, out of the compound. I was running because I could, because I must, because I wanted to see how far I could go. I was running because I didn't want to stand in a room she should be in. I didn't want to fight if she wasn't fighting beside me. 

I found my self in a field on the side of the road that took us down to the house. I stopped running and stood in the field, my breath heavy and frantic. Then the screams in my head made it past my lips and I couldn't stop. I kept screaming and screaming- until my voice was hoarse and my face wet with tears- still I didn't stop. But what was I screaming at? The sky? My body became too heavy to hold and I collapsed to my knees.

 I needed her. I had always needed her. It was Nat who had given me hope again, she was the reason I had come back- she was the reason I was still here. But if she wasn't here with me, what was the point. My lips begged for a drink, my veins implored for something in them apart from blood. But I had nothing. So I had no choice but to sit in this pain. I wanted her here so she could ask me what I was feeling and I could tell her that it hurt- that I hurt. I was made up of pain. I wanted to ask her if she was still hopeful- if she still believed the stones could work. Because my hope had died with her. 

But then an inkling of hope found its way into my system and I jumped to my feet- a thought crossing my mind. I started to run again- unsure of where I found the energy. I found myself back at the compound quickly enough. Tony was waiting for me outside- his eyes swollen. 

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. "It's ok." I told him, with an almost overly confident tone- like I was tricking myself into believing it was ok. "The stones." I said, my voice still hoarse. Tony furrowed his brows as I stormed past him into the compound. I found everyone gathered by the meeting table. A solemn and pregnant silence had filled the space. "Did we get all the stones?" I asked, everyone turning to look at me suddenly. Clint nodded silently towards the table. In the middle sat all 6 stones. Mind, reality, soul, power, time and space. All gleaming. "Well then we can get her back can't we?" I asked, but even I heard the desperate tone in my voice. Even I knew I was simply hopeful. Bruce shook his head, staring at the ground. "It doesn't work like that. The stones will simply reverse the blip- it won't turn back time." The wave of disappointment and pain crashed over me again. 

She was really gone. Forever. I turned around slowly and walked towards the back door. I found myself outside by the lake, sat on the bench. Natasha Romanoff had saved me. Countless times. All the times in the red room when I had been scared and hopeless, she had sat with me, told me I was someone more, told me we would look after each other. Years later it was her that helped me when I was battling myself. She was the first person to tell me it hadn't been my fault, none of it. Then just a few weeks ago, she saved me for the last time by bringing me home. She had always seen me, the me that others hadn't, looked through all the years of pain. She had protected me, taught me, loved me. She had needed me and I needed her. We were just two scared little girls really. Moya sestra. But now she was gone and I couldn't fathom it. I couldn't understand how she could be gone. Brave, brave Natasha Romanoff- I had thought she was invincible. But she wasn't, none of us were. I just didn't know how to get through this without her. 

I heard footsteps behind me as Tony sat next to me on the bench in silence. Not long after the others came too. We sat in the silence Nat had left behind and felt her absence. "Did she have any family?" Tony asked. "Yeah. Us." Steve said. I looked up to Clint and we both shared a look, because we both knew of Yelena. But we didn't say anything- that had been for Nat to say. I felt another pang as I thought of Yelena, how she would find out the news, how it would break her. Nat had been her whole world. 

But we had the stones now, at such a large cost but at least we had done what Nat had hoped for. Almost at least. There was still no telling if it work, if we could bring everyone back. But we had to try. Because Nat had spent 5 years sat alone in this compound trying. We had to try for Nat.