Anidita: Falling Apart

Have More than you show

(Dear Readers, you all might feel this chap has excessive of 'Gyaan', all applies to explaination, so please dont skip)

'As, I confess, it is my nature's plague To spy into abuses, and oft my jealousy Shapes faults that are not.'

Contd. from last chapter....

"BONDITA TUMSE BEHTAR MAI JANTA HU MANORAMA KO, Vishwas karo meri baat par Manorama kuch galat nehi kar rahi hai, uska badhaya har kadam ek sahi disha mey hai. Ek ache maksad k liye hai Bondita. Samajh Rahi ho? aaaaaahhhhh....Shut up.....I say stop......Ssttoppp....." I yelped out of heightened frustration as the deeply suppressed emotions of my heart mind continued to be unravelled in series by my inexorable ghosts "I got outraged at Bondita's persistent allegations on Manorama because I was helpless as I could not reveal the reason behind Manorama's true identity and my fake marriage to her then, I was quite afraid and in a disturbed mental state thinking my intense hardwork to drive her away from wifely duties and revive her focus on her academics, our dream ambition, would go in vain triggering Bondita to shift back to her old obsession of her wifely duties and our relationship which shouldn't have been her priority in that young age.

Barrister Doppelganger (scouring layers of my suppressed consciousness) - Indeed your highness! Who would know a beloved fake wife better than her rightful husband!! It was the final day of your Manorama's departure, so what difference would it make anyways, had you revealed the truth of her mission to Bondita?
However, so you intend to say that the miffed up enflamed response to your "reason to live" Bondita, the first female student of her school to win the opportunity of honouring viceroy by her own hardwork without her Shikshak babu's guidance; still planned to drag Manorama's pati babu to bed and get herself beneath him to invite her premature death without achieving the mutual law abiding dream she saw with you?

Tennis Doppelganger (laughing) - Unlike guilt; Shame can cause more transgressions, such as lying or destroying evidence. These things are transgressions in the sense that they are socially undesirable things, especially for the victims. However, these behavior reduces the likelihood of the offender himself getting devalued by others - and this is precisely the function of shame. Not all great transgressions can be repented.
Speak buddy Speak out, confess what was in your mind. Intentions good or bad, whatever you did was done on purpose. Your disorder is to run from situations deliberately created by you and then concoct perfect stories fitting to your plot and blame others for your sins in a way that you earn the title of most misread barrister by your brilliant society, that others are purposefully blaming you for your not so innocent actions to protect Bondita and your kaka; thus you get away from facing your own truth and eventually you yourself start considering your truth to be a lie which in real is not.

You have an added advantage on your end, that you succeed in concealing your emotions before the society thus, making it more evident with minimum display of it outside, Needless to say, your Kaka's obsession for getting a heir was loud and evident, whereas Bondita badly failed to conceal her own loud and evident distraction from her academics to save her marriage. But, your desires, your masculine cravings for Manorama's mature companionship could not properly emerge out of the huge walls of empty one-liners before your intelligent society. Prominent reasons being, you could spend time in your desired fake wife's companionship and partially quench your desires alone as a man at any hour, distant from anybody's eyes.
So, you used your strength to your advantage and concocted a perfect storyline for escaping the wrath of your actions you made in your complete consciousness and you succeeded in maintaining that false pretence till these years. But, my sly compatriot....truth is like that piece of wood which always succeeds in emerging at the surface of water when it's pushed with a greater force deep down into it.