What Could Have Been

Love

That was so amazing. Fuck. I never had a guy do that to me, let alone a guy who is okay with waiting. This was the most exciting experience and I want more. I know I can't give him more yet because I wanna know this is real not just a dream. We got out of the shower and I put on some clothes, put my hair in a ponytail and did some mascara, lipgloss, & jewelry.
"Where you going looking so good?" He says
"Well I'm going to go see my father" I said
"I hope that goes well again baby" he says
"Thanks my love" I said as I kissed him. I walked out of the room and walked out the door. I walked to the bus stop and waited for the bus. I can't wait to see my dad again, I'm so proud of him so far. The bus had came and I got on.
....
I'm here at the place. I went in, stated my name and waited for them to let me see him. They told me we can walk outside if he wanted. He came and he ran to me, gave me a big hug, we both smiled so big. A hug from your father can fix some of your worries real quick. We went outside, started to walk, talked more about Joe, talked about our goals, our beliefs. It felt so good.
"I'm so happy you came again" he says
"Of course dad" I said smiling at him.
"I'm going to get this right this time. You shouldn't have two broken parents and I'm so sorry."
"I forgive you dearly. I just hope nothing happens between us" I said
"Same here darling. He says giving me another hug, kissing me on my forehead.
"When do you get out?" I asked
"Well they are going to give me a place. 2 bed rooms, beautiful balcony. 3 days every week I get my drug tests done, the 2 other days of the week I have therapy. Then the rest of the days I can do what I want or I can get a little job. They told me it starting to look like I can get that soon" he says happily
"Oh my god that sounds so nice. Could I live with you?" I said
"Of course. In fact that's why I told them 2 bedrooms" we both shared a laugh.
"So we can't have visitors for a week or two" he says sadly
"Why not?"
"It's this thing we do where we have to stop seeing our loved ones, give them time to process all of this change and give us time."
"I mean I understand that but I want to see you" I said looking down
"You will baby I promise" he says.
"Times up for everyone" A nurse said.
"Okay baby, I love you so much. I will miss you. Thank you for coming and next time you come bring your boyfriend" he says while giving me a hug.
"I got you" I said hugging back. He went back into the building and I started to walk off. Spending time with my dad is the most peaceful thing ever besides Joe. My dad and I are starting to get close but I have to be careful. I can't expect much.
...
I came back home to see my mom in my room. Here we go again.
"Love" she says
"What?" I said
"This is my place. You leave. You come back especially without buying me my drugs?" She says
"Well I will be with dad soon"
"You got me fucked up bitch" mom says
"Oh well." I said
She started to come towards me and she slaps me in my face hard
"I raised your dumb ass"
"And I raised your old ass, get the fuck out of my face before-" I said
"Before what? Huh?" She says
"Nothing"
"Exactly don't be making threats you can't keep whore" she says as she walks out. I'm so tired of this damn shit. This shit isn't something I wanna live around. I'm going to start getting disrespectful and own my ground. It's been too long since. It's my turn to turn the tables now. I don't care what happens. I decided to pack one light bag.
"Hey🙂" I sent to Joe
"Hey baby, how did it go?"
"It went really good. He told me to bring you next time"
"Oh hell yeah I'm down for that." He replied
"Where are you right now?"
"Right now I'm with Paul" he says
"Oh okay baby stay safe" I responded
"Is everything okay babe?"
"Yeah everything's fine baby ♥️ I just miss you"
"I miss you more gorgeous. I'll see you soon okay" he says
"Bye babe, stay safe." I replied. I was going to go to his place, it didn't seem like he was there so I'm just going to head over and hopefully his mother is home. I knocked on the door just to see his mother opening it.
"Hey babe" She says
"Hi my love, can I come in?" I said
"Yeah of course. Joe isn't home"
"It's okay. I wanted to talk to you." I said smiling.
"Let's go to the kitchen table" she says. We went over to the kitchen table and we sat down. She started telling me about when she was a little girl, how both of her parents were really mean to her, how they beat her, mistreated her. She told me this because she says if you can take every hit, every word and come out standing up for yourself then that's a blessing. I'm so happy I have her, she's like a mother to me so far.
"I just.. it hurts because I want my mother to be a good mother or at least try to change. My father is trying so much for me and himself"
"Would you be able to forgive your mother if she did?" She says
"I don't know. Probably not but I would love to see her try because maybe in the future it could change. I know that's only a dream I have."
"And that's okay. To dream about it. But sometimes people like that should be forgiven but you can still cut them off. It's easier for you to be there for yourself than to kill yourself by being around toxic people" she says. I'm so happy she really talks to me, really sees me for me.
"You're right. That's literally amazing. Thank you so much" I said
"No problem honey. You deserve the best." She says with a smile.
"Do you wanna chick flicks and eat?" I said
"Hell yeah" she says. We ordered pizza and it came, we started to watch the movies laughing, having a good time. This is the kind of mom that I always wanted. I'm so happy to here.