What Could Have Been

Love

I have some dark thoughts in my brain at the moment about how I just want to end it all or how people are so sick and twisted I just want to scream at them until they feel hell. I just want bad people to suffer like how they make others life a living fucking hell. My thoughts never got this dark before but right now I'm just angry about how living this life is so annoying. You cannot do anything about the pain, grief, hurt etc. it just happens, it just stays there, it lingers on you until you can't take it anymore, until you feel like you need to be strong but can't because you're too weak.
Having Joe is like a breath of fresh air. Someone who actually wants to get to know me, who wants to appreciate me, who wants to understand me and I've never had that. Just having him on my side makes me feel secure and safe. I've never felt safe anywhere until I met this lovely pure man. He is just someone you don't want to let go of and I won't. I'll keep him close.
I want to improve myself because I don't like what I see, what I feel. I want to be better or at least try to be better but sometimes I love being broken, sometimes I love the pain, the hurt, the heartbreak because it makes me feel like I'm human. It's just something about the pain that you seek, and the longing for it. I just want to feel like I'm something, like I am a somebody. At times I feel like I'm not even a person, like my personality isn't real.
It comes a time when you just have to own up to the shit you know about yourself and heal it.
"Hey baby" Joe texts me
"Hi baby I miss you so much" I said
"Oh you do huh?"
"Of course I do baby" replied
"How's everything baby girl?" He says
"Everything's okay my love" I said back. We literally just started to talk about our day, how we're feeling and that we know that we have each other no matter what.