What Could Have Been

Love

The love of my life did this to me. I can't believe it. It hurts too much. I needed him, I loved him, I cared for him.. I wish this wasn't happening and that we could go back before any of this happened. It just feels like I can't do anything right in this life and all I wanted was him.

I have to think of a way to get up and try to hurt him so I can get out. I'm so tired of being weak and not standing up to my abusers like I should have. It's time for me to do this now. It's time for Joe to finally leave me alone and let me live or at least try to live because this is killing me from the inside out and I need to get out of it.

I started to slowly stand up while he's distracted smoking his cigarette. I remember that I had my pocket knife on me and it's time for me to make my move. I know I can't really run so I have to be careful and slick with this. I can't let him know I'm about to do this to him.

I went over to him and he seen me and he started swinging at me, hitting me and then he got his hands on my neck and started to strangle me.
"I'm so sorry baby" he says tears falling from his eyes. I can't breathe, it's getting harder to breathe but then I elbowed him in his balls and he let me go and I dropped to the floor trying to catch my breath because I couldn't breathe. I got up and tried my best to walk faster and I got to the the bedroom and locked the door.
"Leave me alone Joe"
"No I will not" he yells banging on the door
"Please leave me alone, please " I said crying and screaming
"No you're mine" he says
"Please stop" I said.
" I wanted nobody but you. I wanted to love you for the rest of my life. I wanted to give you the happiness you deserved. I wanted to make you smile, do different things with you and make you feel wanted. I wanted us to get married and have kids together. I wanted you to be here for me and I be there for you. I wanted you to know that I'm in love with you and that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I wanted you to know that you are such an amazing person and I'm sorry I didn't see that completely until now. You are my everything Love. Me and you were meant to be together and you know that. We have nobody else but each other. We know that we could of depended on each other but instead we're going to drown until we are dead" he says as he stops knocking on the door. I heard a chair moving around out there and I slowly opened the door to see Joe standing on the chair while he put the noose around his neck. Even after everything, this is the man I love and I don't want him to die. I came out of the bedroom.
"Joe, please step down"
"No. I did too much to hurt you and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I didn't asked to be this way I'm just am. I know it's not an excuse but I just can't do it anymore. I can't live and know what I did to you. Now you can go on and live your life and be the best you can be and get therapy and learn how to not want to kill even though you say you do but I know you don't. Get therapy for that and for everything you went through and be a better person and find someone who's normal to love you." He says
"Joe I love you please."
"I'm sorry Love. I love you so much. You are such an amazing being" he says as he kicked the chair over and he started to gasp for breath. I'm watching him dying, and I couldn't move. I'm in shock. He kept gasping for air and then his face started to turn purple and he stopped breathing. Just his body swinging back and fourth. I fell to the floor and I just started to ball my eyes out. I see my love hanging. I don't know what to think of this.. of him.. after 15 minutes I decided to call detective Brian and I told him everything about what we did and what he did and that he's dead now. I wanted to come clean. He sent the ambulance here and he said he was coming. I waited for all of them to come and the ambulance told me to go outside and I did. I was being told that I was going to the hospital, to get checked out. They told me that my mother was good and she got her leg amputated. Detective Brian took me to the hospital to get checked out and they started to drain all the pills and the medicine that was in the shot that Joe gave me out of my body. I did a pee test and a blood test. After some hours, they told me that I was okay and that I needed to stay in the hospital for a couple more days.
"Thank you for coming clean. I talked to a judge about your case and everything and they are going to put you just on house arrest for 6 months at this place where battered women who go through things. You're going to be staying there. The only places you can go is to the community service that you have for 4 months and you are going to be on probation for 7 months. You will have to remain living in this house for a long while until all your time is over and once you get a job and get settled. I also need to let you know that your baby is okay. The baby is healthy thank god. Congratulations. I know you've been through a lot. Joe is dead. You can breathe now and get some rest" he says as he walks out.

I'm pregnant? I'm going to have a baby?

Fuck.