His secret

Chapter 3

I spent a whole afternoon thinking about what to do with myself. What kind of a job do I want to look for? I don't think that I have much to choose between because there are way more qualified people to choose from rather than me with hardly any experience. Miles promised to help me find a job, but once again he disappeared and doesn't pick up my calls or answer my messages.

Finally, I made the decision to visit my parents. I haven't seen them in weeks. Visiting them isn't my favorite thing to do, and I really don't mean it in a harsh way. I love my parents, I really do and I am so grateful for them. But I just can't bear to see them after my brother Sirius's death. They have never told me out loud that it was my fault. And I don't know if I am imagining but looking into their eyes I can see judgment, I can as them blaming me, their eyes telling me that their beloved son Sirius would be here if it wasn't for me. Sometimes I even think that they wish I would have died that day instead of Sirius.

Our parents have always been loving and caring, trying their hardest to provide everything for us and never laying a hand on us. They named both of us after stars, Sirius and Nova, claiming it was because both of us were born with shining blond hair that reminded them of the stars in the beautiful night sky. As we grew up our hair color changed to a chocolate-like shade of brown, destroying the whole meaning of our names. But that didn't bother my mother, she always told us that we were the stars of her life. But of course, Sirius was the favorite, he was the first star in their life, the most bright star. Honestly, I don't blame them, Sirius was a very bright person that spread positive energy everywhere he went. He was the golden retriever of the family, the over-achieving person, good in school, had a great number of friends and had a very bright future ahead of him. One that I took away from him. The voice in my head creeps in, but I do as I always do; push it away and continue with my day. 

The bus drive to my parent's place took about an hour. Standing at the door I remember that I don't have to knock because I still have the keys to their house, so I just unlock the door myself and walk in, surprising my parents. "Nova, is it really you? Have you finally remembered your poor old parents?" My mom complains with a slightly happy expression on her face that tells me she really is happy to see me. Putting his book down my father waves at me from the browns skin sofa his sitting on "Come and join your old man." he tells me as he taps the empty space on the coach next to him. Obeying him I walk over to sit down next to him, greeting him with a hug. 

"It's been I while. We really miss having you around here, Nova. We barely hear from you anymore." He says with a sad face. His hair is greyer than I remember it and has grown more tired. The feeling of guilt overwhelms me "I'm sorry dad, I've been busy moving out and working. I promise I'll try to visit more often."

"It's okay sweetheart, we get it. Your dad just can't accept the fact that you're a grown woman now that has to take care of things." My mother joins our conversation. Her words make me smile, remembering my childhood with my dad. I've always had a better relationship with him rather than with my mom. We used to do almost everything together. On the weekends he would always buy me ice cream and then take me fishing and sometimes we would even hike in the woods looking for beautiful animals together. Mom would always complain when dad would return home late at night with me asleep in his car. I guess it is from him I've got my big love for nature. And thinking about it now, maybe Sirius wasn't the favorite, maybe he was my mother's favorite while I was my father's.

"We were just about to eat, and lucky for you I've made your favorite, Mac'n'cheese" trying my best I give her a smile without telling her that the food she has made isn't my favorite, but Sirius's favorite. "I'll be right back so we can eat, I just need to get a plate for you too." She says rushing to the kitchen. I feel my father's comforting hand on my lower back as he speaks. 

"Don't mind her. She's been confused for the last five years. Sometimes she even puts a plate for him at the table because she still feels like he is with us." I fight the tears that are threatening to come down my cheeks but I lose the impossible fight. "Noo, stop it. Don't cry. Come here," he takes me into his embrace "I know you're still blaming yourself, but you had nothing to do with it, it was gods plan." He attacks my head with kisses as he used to do whenever I cried as a kid. "Now get you as up to the dining table. I'm so hungry that I could literally eat the snails your mom once made for us as a taste of something new," both of us get vomiting reflexes remembering the disgusting dish and then we laugh, heading to the table where my mother prepared the food for us.

"So what have you been up to lately?" my mother asks me, chewing on her food. "Not much really, I kind of have a boring routine that I'm tired of. And you?" I ask with a sincere smile, curious about what they've been doing. "Oh, you know me and your father, the same boring old couple. I spend my time in the garden trimming the trees and watering the flowers while he's in his own world reading books. But don't mind us, I wanna hear about you. How is your work going?" I choke on my food as I remember that I forgot to tell them that I got fired. For a moment I think about lying and just telling them that it's great and I'm doing alright, but then I just wanna tell them the truth so that's what I do. "I got fired mom," I say while trying to sound confident. I'm afraid of their reaction. I've always tried to please them and make them proud of me but I always fail.

"You what? Why? When?" She puts her fork down and focuses on me with a concerned expression on her face. "I don't wanna talk about it. I just got fired and that's all you need to know." The words that came out of my mouth triggers my mom. "Let me guess, it's because of that scary boyfriend of yours, isn't it? He got you fired, didn't he?" My mom has never liked Miles and she has never failed to show that, neither behind nor in front of him. She always complains about him having way too many tattoos because according to her the combination of them and his big figure makes him look scary and dangerous. 

"Mom Miles isn't my boyfriend and he isn't scary."

"Oh so you're not denying it, he did get you fired."

"No. I mean, yes but it's not what you think mom."

"Enough, Nova. Really that's it," my dad puts his hand on her shoulder in a failed attempt to calm her down. "No Richard, let me finish. She is so stubborn. She never listens to us. How many times have I told you to get away from that man? He isn't good for you, he's gonna ruin your life someday," she continues without giving me a chance to explain that Miles actually was helping me. This isn't new for me, she's always been like this, never giving anybody space to speak when she has something to say, so I don't try to fight her, I'm too tired of it. It's just impossible to change her mind about Miles, and any other thing she has made her mind up about for that matter. 

"Thanks for the dinner. I think I better head home before it gets too late." I excuse myself as I get up to leave. "Don't just leave like that, young woman. Stop being disrespectful. I'm not telling you all of this to be annoying. I have a mother's instinct. I can feel that he is bad for you, just trust me for once." 

"There is no such thing as an instinct, mother. You can't just feel something bad is about to happen and live by that." I tell her clearly annoyed. "I had a feeling once and I told you about it and you ignored it, now tell me where is your brother?" She yells standing up, "I told you not to go out that day because I felt something bad was about to happen, but you just went out anyways, and now Sirius is dead because of your ignorance." And there it goes. I was right, she was blaming me for his death.