✓ | The Clandestine Memoir (Fate's Transgression Series, #1) [UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 8

~•[Chapter 8]•~

SEISHA:

My forehead is covered with sweat. I can feel my eyes dilating, as my consciousness is fading, and darkness is swarming in. My stomach's gastric juices are tearing my stomach lining.

Kanina pa ako nagugutom. It has been a day ever since Lucius arrived, and it's been 34 hours since my last meal. Nasa kwarto pa rin ako, hindi ako lumabas kahit kanina pa paulit-ulit si Helena sa pagtawag ng pangalan ko. Kanina ko pa sinasabi na hindi ako gutom, at wala akong ganang kumain.

But the truth is, I am starving. I think I am dying.

Ang kitid ng utak ko. Before, my old body is used to fasting. Sa dami ng kailangan ipasa on time na plates at ilang mga reports sa bawat subjects, nagka-ulcer ako dahil halos hindi ako kumakain.

But, this body, sa sobrang kasosyalan, kahit hindi ako umiinom ng tubig sa ilang oras halos hindi na ako makalakad. It has been 34 hours, no food or even a glass of water.

Ayoko talagang lumabas. My meals came from the Main Kitchen rather than my own kitchen. It was Lucius' order, and as a stubborn woman whose pride is as high as the mountain Everest, I've been declining such delicacies.

Natatakot kasi ako. If I will receive his favors, I'll owe him a debt of gratitude. Pwede naman akong mag-utos na ipagluto ako ng aking mga tagapagluto, subalit, halos lahat ng nasa mansyon ko ngayon ay nasa main mansion. Lucius gathered everyone because he'll be staying for a while.

Why would he stay here? Hindi ba siya hinahanap sa barracks? Ayoko talaga lumabas kahit halos mawalan na ako ng malay sa gutom. I am afraid to meet anyone— everyone. Tumakas ako kahapon dahil sa pag-asang makakamit ko na ang gusto ko, pero nagising akong nasa aking kwarto.

What are they thinking about me right now? I don't want to see them and look at me with those eyes. Hindi ko kaya, dahil namumuno sa utak ko ang mga posibilidad na ayaw nila sa akin. They must be talking about me and my idiocy. I don't want to hear anything from these people.

I am afraid of them, and from Lucius. Paano kapag nakita niya ako ulit, pagsasabihan na naman niya ako? I'm a woman who is easily swayed by words and my level of sensitiveness is on a thin line— one word, it can shatter my whole existence.

Sa sobrang takot ko, ayoko ng kumilos at pumarito nalang sa loob. If I died of starvation, will Seisha hate me for starving her body? 'wag naman sana.

Bakit ba kasi ang sama ng ugali ng lalaking iyon? If he knew the whole personality of Seisha, sana naman maging sensitive siya. If he knew I got into an accident, I ran away, I have a temporary amnesia, and been stuck in this mansion and in this body without any clue of how I should live throughout the day, he should be more considerate. But he is not.

Bukod sa wala siyang pakialam sa feelings ko— namin ng babaeng may-ari ng katawan, wala rin akong pag-asa na makalabas sa buhay na ito ng hindi dumadaan sa kanya. I don't understand him, is it because he hates Seisha's bloodline? Wala naman kasi akong kaalam-alam, ang gusto ko lang naman ay umalis na sa katawan na ito. The more I stay, the more my conscience eats me.

Halos lumundag ako sa gulat ng bumukas ang naka-lock kong pinto at iniluwa roon si Lucius na walang emosyong hinahanap ang pigura ko. Nasa sulok kasi ako ng kama, nagtatago. Dumaan ang tingin niya sa gawi ko at doon mas dumikit ang kilay niya.

"What are you doing there?"

That question is unanswerable, hindi ko rin alam. Lucius is being a walking emotionless human, despite his crossed eyebrows— like it's a natural facade he had, his eyes didn't really show whether he is angry or pitying me.