✓ | The Clandestine Memoir (Fate's Transgression Series, #1) [UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 18

~•[Chapter 18]•~

SEISHA:

Funny how people can shatter the confidence I've built up for hours. Ironic, when I was trying to be positive towards things when deep inside I'm trembling. I cannot help but to find it unfair under different circumstances, and how one-sided things run.

I know from the fact that I am vulnerable in every area I go, in every person I talk to, and in every move I make. I know I will never escape the verdict once the court concludes I am unfit to their standards.

I am afraid. I always have been. But I am trying.

I'm trying to live the day with merriment and lie about my grief. I smile towards people I do not know what type of person they were before.

I am always terrified of how people perceive me right now. Can't they understand that I'm suffering?

Kasalanan ko, kaya dapat ako lang ang magdusa. I know, I know it's the princess' fault what happened, but they aren't considerate enough for her situation.

Wala silang pakialam sa kanya. Kahit ano pa ang gawin ko, kahit ano pa ang sabihin ko, they will always find my words means something else. Something superficial to believe, a hidden agenda or a manipulative approach.

I can't. I can't deal with these people anymore. Nakakapagod na kasi na lagi nalang. Ginawa ko naman lahat. I have already been here for months, and all those days and weeks, I've been trying. There will always be a point where all the patience I build will shatter. I'm so burned out.

I've been crying, faking my everyday routine, being someone I am not, and talking with people who can't understand me. I am so done with these people, and I am very sorry for being like this.

I didn't mean to be like this, but what else can I do? I'm just a woman who gave up life; a girl who got eaten by her emotions; a lass who only wants nothing but peace of mind.

If I got the chance to redo everything, I should have jumped on that cliff before Lucius found me.

"Ate."

Princess Frencia's voice enveloped my ears. I was standing in the mirror of my own mansion, and she was right behind me.

Kanina pa ako nakatingin sa mukha ko nang umalis ako sa mansyon ni Lucas. I've been facing the Princess's physical features.

"I apologize for what happened earlier," she uttered, bearing a low tone and guilty expression. "Hindi ko intensyon na saktan ka. I was startled when my brother said you lost your memories and my reason for this venture was to prove he was lying."

"He wasn't."

I looked at her using the mirror. I did not turn and greet her presence. Alam ko mali ang ginawa ko, subalit, bilang isang mapapangasawa ng kanyang kapatid at magiging reyna ng lupain, may kataasan ang aking panunungkulan kaysa sa kaniya.

"I'm sorry..." Frencia lowered her head.

"Hindi mo na kailangan humingi ng paumanhin o tawad. I wasn't mad at you. Masyado lamang magulo ang utak ko at nais ko munang mapag-isa."

"But," she said, hesitation is evident in her voice. "I only have a few days to stay here. Ayoko naman na hindi mo 'ko kausapin. I know you're going to stay in your room for many days and come back out smiling as if nothing happened."

She knew a lot about her.

Hindi na ako nagsalita. I excused myself and she couldn't move her lips to halt my departure. Hindi ako pumasok sa kwarto ko, sapagkat, nakita ko na lamang ang sarili ko na nilalandas ang pasilyo sa pagitan ng mga mansyon.