✓ | The Clandestine Memoir (Fate's Transgression Series, #1) [UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 10

~•[Chapter 10]•~

SEISHA:

I need to live. Not because I want to, nor because I should. I need to live temporarily to know the truth. I've been running away all my life. I've been trying to avoid things that hurt me, triggering my trauma, and neglecting those who can help me.

Umiwas ako sa mga tao dahil ayaw kong masaktan muli. Nakatuon ang atensyon ko sa negatibo dulot ng sobrang dependent ko sa mga tao, dahilan para ako'y labis na nasaktan.

My whole existence was a mistake. That thought always haunts me at night, gradually becoming a nightmare I cannot escape.

Simula ng malaman ko na anak ako sa labas ng aking ama, doon nagsimula ang matinding kalbaryo na nangyari sa akin. Before the news, I was depicted already as an outsider by my Stepmom— which I thought was my mother, and Savannah.

Hindi rin naman ako pinapansin ng tatay ko dahil ayaw niya ng gulo sa asawa niya. My whole things, and even my clothes aren't grand like Savannah has but I didn't really envy her, because I am not fond of material things.

I thought my stepmom was just having favoritism, but she didn't really want me ever since. I grew up being patient towards their treatment, and when the news broke out, I thought it wouldn't be much of an impact, until Savannah spread the news to our school and I was then labeled as an illegitimate child.

My whole life was ruined, my confidence shattered, and my patience broke: I left. I ran away from home, from everything, and I thought it would let me grasp a new life. It didn't.

That news was brought to my alma mater, because Savannah is also studying there. I hate how people look at me as if I was a disgrace. I hate how they can easily produce lies and belittle my existence. That is where I started to excel my academics and eradicate the mockery.

But it is still not enough. Nandyan pa rin, naririnig ko pa rin, at halos mabingi na ako araw-araw dahil sa mga naririnig ko. Sa takot ko na bumagsak, nanatili akong nasa taas kahit halos patayin na rin ako ng sobrang pressure. If I fail, they'll insult me more.

That night, on my Father's birthday, pushed me to the limit. I've been suffering for so long, why would I stay alive?

But, in this lifetime. Renting a body of a Princess, I thought was for the best, but I am haunted by conscience. After thinking about my own selfishness for days, I think it would be best to know the truth before I start acting out of it.

I will live. I must, and I will know the truth. I must know why I am inside the body of the princess, and how we can go back to normal. I must know before I die, atleast, this is the only thing I can prove that I am not always on the run. I must bring back the real Seisha and if possible, go home.

Natatakot ako. Sa sobrang takot ko gusto ko na lang magmumuk sa sulok ng kwarto, walang gawin, at maghintay nalang sa kung ano man ang mangyari. Napagtanto ko lang na hindi pwede, dapat may gagawin ako.

Lucius won't lend his hand, and therefore, I must use the power of this Princess to at least know what I am dealing with. I am renting the body, and I will need to rent her whole life. My conscience is eating me alive, but to know the truth, I must take this opportunity to learn her world, and learn the way for us to be normal.

Wherever Seisha is now, I wish her safety.

My emerald green strappy silk dress moves every time I take a step forward. The slit on the left part of the dress showcases my slender leg. The garden design shoes with a small butterfly on the heel could be seen when I move.