Dysphoria

Chapter Thirty Four

I had spent the rest of morning getting ready for school feeling anxious and a little sick knowing Fez was coming to drop me off and it would be the first time I saw him since Nate kissed me yesterday. I felt sick to my stomach, from nerves and lack of sleep. The heavy flow didn't help things either.

I debated it endlessly as got dressed. I feel extra guilty because even though Nate kissed me I didn't exactly try to stop himDo I just tell him it happened and hope for the best? Do I not tell him at all? I don't want to keep secrets from him. But what if he goes crazy and tries to kill Nate again? I can't risk telling him and that happening. What if Fez dumps me?

I pulled myself out of my spiraling thoughts when I heard his car outside. Swallowing down the last of my coffee I put the cup in the sink and headed outside, I was on high alert in case Nate or Cassie were out too.

The good weather had stuck around for another day, and I forced a smile onto my face as I got into the car.

"Good morning." Fez smiled, happy to see me, leaning over to kiss me.

I immediately release the breathe I had been holding and wrap my arms around him, hugging him tighter than usual. It took everything in me not to cry.

"Morning." I say quietly, not wanting to let go of him, he felt like my only anchor to world. I press my face against the side of his neck, enjoying the feel of him and the smell of his cologne.

"Hey, hey you alright? I'm sorry I didn't pick up last night when you called, I was dead asleep shorty." He said rubbing my back affectionately.

There's that sickening feeling again. What would he say if he knew Nate had helped me out last night. Or worse yet, that he put me to bed in the early hours of this morning.

"It's alright babe. No big deal." I give him a weak smile.

"You feelin alright? You look tired." He said starting up the engine.

"I just got my period last night and I didn't sleep great that's all. Feel pretty crappy." I say trying to be at least half truthful.

He reached over and held onto my hand. He looked so content.

"So hes sayin your tires should be finished around lunch time so I'll pick it up and drop it off for you. Oh and Ash said he's coming over tonight and he wants lasagne for dinner." Fez said rolling his eyes. "Lil punk."

"That's fine I have all the stuff to make it. Do you want to come over too?" I said hoping he would say yes.

"I want to. I just can't leave Faye over there alone." He says trying not to show how frustrated he felt.

"How much longer is she going to be staying?" I ask him, worried more for him than myself. I could only imagine how this whole thing was wearing him down.

"I wish I knew. Custer came by the other day but...he didn't take her back with'em like I was hopin'." He says with an exhausted sigh.

"But like, doesn't she have any other friends or family she could stay with for a while? Like how long does she just expect to live off you? Especially if she's going to keep using. It's fucked up." I complain. Faye wasn't that bad, but it's never fun when someone over stays their welcome. Ash wasn't happy when she was around and I missed having Fez over more.

He just nods, pulling into the school parking lot.

"I miss you already." I say honestly, reaching over to give him a kiss. I kissed him a second time, to try and rid myself of the memory of Nate kissing me.

The problem was though, as much as I knew with every fiber of my being I should have hated the feel of Nate kissing me...I didn't  it.

And that scared the shit out of me.