Dysphoria

Chapter Thirty Six

My life was pretty miserable right now. I had taken a few days off school to wallow in bed and feel sorry for myself, still pretending I had food poisoning. I didn't want to get dressed, or do my makeup, or cook or even eat. I would just watch Netflix, cry, eat snacks and just generally be miserable. It didn't help that any time I thought of Fez or saw anything that reminded me of him I broke into tears. I felt like a piece of shit. A shit girlfriend to Fez, a shit daughter to my parents, a shit friend to Maddy. Totally worthless. My depression was like a fog, clouding over everything I thought or gelt.

I only showered after a few days when Ash told me I "smelled like a hookers ass crack." Those were his exact words.

I ignored all of Nate's texts and calls. He would vacillate between concern, remorse and anger and my lack of interest in him. Fez didn't contact me at all.

Ash knew something was up, he split his time between me and Fez's place. He didn't ask me specific questions about what had happened with me and his brother, he just knew neither of us were happy but his main focus was on watching Custer and Faye, trying to figure out their deal and keeping the business running.

For them the risk to the money was high, but the stakes are higher and murder isn't out of the question if they get in the way.

I never liked Custer. He was always fidgety, his eyes never fixed on one thing for more than a second. His nails were long and dirty, I tried not to look at them or my stomach would flip. But the main thing I hated about him was how he just dumped Faye at Fez's house without a second care for her or anyone else. How he put us all in a really fucked up situation at Laurie's place that night, I never forgave him for that shit. He could get fucking beheaded for all I cared.

Faye, I had a little more compassion for. I knew she was a heroin addict, I knew she relied on Custer for everything and so I'm sure if he wanted her to do something she would just do it to please him and get more drugs.

But the situation still remained the same, even if Fez and I weren't together any more. I didn't want any harm to come to him or Ash.

He had been adjusting to life in the suburbs slowly but surely. Our well to do neighbors gave us weird looks but that was to be expected when you live with a mother who's a drunk recluse and a teenage boy with face tattoos. Plus he wasn't afraid to talk back if they had anything to say.

I remembered a few weeks ago when I was outside the front of the house tending to the jasmine climber on the side of the porch. I'm by no means a gardening expert but I knew the thing looked pretty unwell so I got some miracle grow shit from the gardening centre and  hoped for the best.

I was kneeling down tending to the roots of the plant when I hear one of the upstairs sash windows slam open.

"What are you looking at fuckhead?" Ash shouted out, for a second I thought he was talking to me! That was before I turned around and saw Aaron Jacobs leaning over our fence.

Aaron laughed. "Wow that's nice. What's he? Your charity case? Little miss rich girl running some kind of orphanage for at risk youth?" He smirked, taking a swig from a Coors bottle.

"Only one of us at risk round here is you bruh." Ash yelled. He was leaning half out of the window like he was about to jump out of the second story to start a scrap.

I stood up and brushed the soil off of my knees.

"That's really funny Aaron. At least I picked who I live with." I said with a smile.

"But not you. No. What's it's like being genetically related to a pervert and a psychopath?" I ask him tilting my head as if I was pondering it. The smile slowly fell from his face. "I always wondered, are you a creepy pedo like your daddy or a psycho like your little brother."