Dysphoria

Chapter Fourty Two

I had spent the rest of the week honestly dreading Monday. I spent the whole time freaking the fuck out.

But now it was finally here. I had picked up Maddy after school this evening. Now were sitting in the waiting room trying to ignore the sirens coming from the dumbass episode of some cop show on the tv above my head really wasn't helping calm my nerves right now. I was staring at the ugly plastic green chair in front of me. I was breathing like I had just had to sprint up a stairs, watching each second tick by on the large plastic clock on the wall. Maddy was violently sanitizing her hands, I had done it twice and she insisted I re-sanitize for a third time.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do Maddy. I can't be a fucking mom." I was so fucking nervous.

"Yes you can! You're going to be the best mom." She squeezed my hand.

"No I'm not I don't have a fucking clue how to keep another living thing alive!"

"You're going to figure it out. You're gonna be ama-zing. I can already see it now, your kid gets bullied you're going to be the hot mom who chases those little assholes down the street swinging a golf club at 'em." Maddy said mimicking it. "Babe, you're gonna be a fucking star, your gonna be the best mom! Im rooting for you bitch! You're gonna show everyone in this doctors office your the baddest bitch here!"

I started to laugh through my tears. "You're right, I totally will."

"Gordon?" A nurse in scrubs called out.

"That's me." I stood up nervously carrying my bag, feeling a little better after Maddy's pep talk.

"Hey, I just need to confirm your D.O.B." She asked checking the information on the sheet in front of her.

"Okay, perfect follow me."

She took me from the waiting room to check my weight and blood pressure. After that, she had me put on a gown and remove my pants while I waited to meet my new Doctor.

It felt like we were waiting a lifetime.

Finally a petite blonde woman came through the door in a long white coat with a stethoscope around her neck.

"Hey there Nia, I'm Dr. Taylor." She said with a gentle smile, sitting onto a small stool. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm...nervous I guess."

"Don't be nervous, we'll look after you! Tell me about how you've been doing, what symptoms are you having?" The doctor asked.

I've been nauseous and sick a lot, mainly smells bother me."

She nodded taking notes on her computer.

"And I've been feeling more tired and emotional than usual."

"I bet. That all sounds totally normal. I know its not fun, but its nothing to be worried about. Obviously after you vomit you're losing nutrients and its make you feel weaker. Good news is I can give you something to help with the nausea so that should help you eat more, and help your appetite. Whatever you do, you have to keep hydrated, bring water with you every where."

I smiled at her relieved to know there was something I could take to help me stop vomiting all the time.

"So were going to take some blood and run that to check for anything like anaemia, things like that. And then I'm going to do a quick pelvic exam to take some swabs. Okay?" She nodded at me happily before calling the nurse back in to take my blood.

"Lie back down for me." Dr. Taylor said pulling on gloves. My head hit the pillow and I tried to calm down, staring up at the dimples in the ceiling tiles above me. "Okay, so you're going to feel me touching you for a second."