Let's Pretend We're Numb

Ch. 29

Jasmine

I'm a mess.

Seriously a wreck, like those sappy romance movies where something goes wrong in the relationship and the girl spends two nights crying over a tub of ice cream before her and the guy work out their differences.

I just know that's not gonna happen though.

I don't know what I truly want.

I like the thought of me, Jahseh and Jaiden going out as a family and having people think, 'Oh, he looks just like his dad' but obviously that's not gonna happen. I clutch my pillow tighter to me bury my face in it and cry harder. If Desiree were to see me crying over Jahseh like this, she'd kill me, then go and kill him for making me like this.

I just really wanted it to work out with him, but I really like Kentrell. I don't know if I love him yet, but I know we've both been hurt and we can use each other to heal. Of course I'm gonna feel guilty still having these feelings for Jahseh while being with Kentrell, but I can't just make them disappear with the snap of my fingers.

I wish it were that easy.

I groan as my phone goes off, and I'm afraid to look at it again and see Jahseh's name pop up. I'm actually afraid of having to deal with anything to do with him, especially hearing his voice.

"Mommy? Your phone is ringing." Jaiden's small voice creeps into the silence of my room, and I smile at him sadly as he climbs onto my bed and holds my phone in my face. The screen reads Kentrell, and I quickly get myself together, trying to sound as happy as I can.

"Hello?" I answer it, and his voice melts through my speaker.

"Hey, how are you?" He asks, and that question hurts me.

"Honestly? I'm hurting... I never knew how much I wanted what was never there, you know?" I ask, and he's quiet for a little, but he soon sighs.

"Yeah I know, I thought the same thing about Alison before I realized she was just a crazy and money hungry girl with a brilliant plan to get and easy money." He says sadly, and my heart aches for him.

"You know, I've been hurting too. You mind if I come over and we can hurt together?" He asks, and a smile forms on my aching face from crying so much.

"I'd love that."

   ~•~

I hug Kentrell as we sit in the middle of my bed and just hold each other. I feel like I can tell him anything, so I start to rant.

"He said he was trying, but I know him Trell. I've watched him try, and as soon as a pretty girl come walking by, he can't do it. It was so easy got him to just give up on us.. on me." I croak, and tears fall from my eyes.

I'm so happy that he understands my feelings in his...

I honestly could not deal with bottling it in.

"Do you feel deep down somewhere he's still trying?" He brushes some messy hair from my face and I shake my head.

"I wanted to believe it, but I have a feeling in my gut that he was just saying it cause he wanted me to stay stuck on him. He doesn't want to see me happy with someone. He's so damn selfish." I say softly and Kentrell just holds me tighter at that.

"Anything to keep you at the same time, but he couldn't-"

"Commit." We both say at the same time, and he sighs softly. I smile a little as I hear Jaiden and Noah laughing across the hall.

"What movie did you put on for them?" I look up at him and he smiled.

"Toy story." We both laugh together and he starts to soothingly rub my back.

"I believe you can get over him, Jasmine. He's not good for you if he just keeps dragging you along." He says honestly and I nod.

"You're right, you're absolutely right. Thank you for listening and for being here for me to cry on and to." I mumble, and I sit up and wipe my eyes, looking into his brown eyes. He smiles genuinely and I push him down onto the bed and kiss him softly.

"I'm really glad I have you, I don't want to be stuck under Jahseh's spell anymore." I lay on him and rest my head in the crook of his neck, and I feel him rest his hands on the small of my back as he lets out a relieved sigh.

"I don't want that for you either. And I'll continue to help you through it." He holds me tighter and my eyes slowly start to close on me.

"I'm trying not to fall asleep." I mumble sleepily and I smile as Kentrell chuckles  and it rumbles through his chest.

"Go ahead. I'll watch out for the boys." He says, and my stomach gets butterflies in them as he says that.

Makes us sound like a family already.

jay-the-girl